


How do I loathe thee? Lemme count the ways...

by shit_eating_grin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauder Era - Fandom
Genre: 10 Things I Hate About You AU, Anti severus snape, F/M, I swear sometimes so there is the f word and other variations of it, Inspired by 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26315530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shit_eating_grin/pseuds/shit_eating_grin
Summary: In which Lily Evans and James Potter are bad at falling in love.James has a stupid crush, Sirius plays matchmaker, Lily wants to be in a band, not a relationship, Petunia really needs to go on a proper date, Marlene McKinnon dreams of Shakespeare and Vernon doesn't believe that motorcycles can fly, even if James Potter says so.10 thing i hate about you au
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Petunia Evans/Vernon Dursley, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! So this is my first work and not my first language, please be indulgent. Lily can be a bit rougher around the edges at times, but give her a bit of time, she is just afraid of vulnerability. Also there will be a short epilogue to this that I was too lazy to write tonight, but was already in the plans so technically this would be a two-parter?

(Same Rules for Different Planets)

‘But Daddy, it’s so unfair!’

Walter Evans was pacing the worn carpet of the living room, lost as to how to explain to his two teenage daughters the dangers of dating life. As an obstetrician, he knew only about the worst case scenario: teenage pregnancy.

‘Why does everybody get to date except me?’ Petunia whined away while her father was getting increasingly annoyed, walking much faster now.

‘You know my only rule, darling, no dating till you graduate!’ His tone hardened. ‘Before you roll your eyes, young lady, do you know what keeps me to my elbows in placenta everyday? Immature girls dating around. You know what really is unfair? Today, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen year-old girl!’ Walter said triumphantly.

‘This is not what I was talking about. Can we focus on me for a second? The girl who’s not planning to get pregnant at sixteen? Why would it be okay for Lily to drive around everyday with Severus Snape, of all people, and I don’t even get to hang out with Vernon!’

‘Petunia’, Lily interrupted, ‘you know it’s totally platonic between Sev and me! I don’t want to shove my tongue down his throat, this is completely different from your situation.’

‘Then why do I see you driving him to school every morning, huh?’ Petunia raised an eyebrow for emphasis.

Lily was starting to fume, she hated when people questioned her friendship with Sev. They were only friends, for God’s sake! No romantic feelings involved.

‘Because it is convenient, he’s practically our neighbour! Besides, men and women can be friends, and saying the contrary is very sexist, as if no one can control their sexual urges and falls in love with everybody they see. If two people of the same sex are gay, they can’t be friends?’

She believed fiercely in the power of friendship, even though she had few real friends. Her nostrils flared at Petunia’s comment (which was not the first) and mean words were knocking against teeth, desperately trying to escape. She was only getting warmed up and couldn’t contain herself any longer. (She had never been the type to control her ire easily.)

‘And, frankly Tuney, I’m just so tired of being with you in your awful car, listening to the bloody Spice Girls and having to hear you and your stupid idiotic friends who never have never read something else than a beauty magazine talking about even more idiotic boys all day long!’ She hammered the last three words, getting even more angry by the word.

A flash of hurt passed in Petunia’s eyes, but she quickly regained composure and huffed in exasperation. She was quite an actress, or so she thought.

‘Ugh’, she sighed, ‘where do you come from, Planet Loser?’

‘As opposed to Planet Look at me, Look at me! I take all the attention I can get because I’m insecure,’ Lily replied bitterly.

‘Okay girls, enough!’ intervened Walter. ‘Old rule out! The new rule is, Petunia can date…’

It was Lily’s turn to raise an eyebrow. Her sister’s face lit up and she looked positively ready to give her father a kiss on the cheek, something she had not done in years.

‘When Lily does.’

‘But Lily’s a mutant, what if she never dates?’

‘Then you’ll never date. Ah, I like that!’ Their father rejoiced at the idea. The youngest sister’s face dropped immediately and she started twirling her hair nervously.

‘You are completely unhinged and you totally suck! I’m still the only girl in school who isn’t allowed to go out with a boy when she wants to!’

‘No, you’re not. Your sister doesn’t date.’

‘And I don’t intend to, have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to our school? I’d rather french kiss a giant squid!’

Walter smiled, content to see Lily’s face was painted with disdain. His babies were safe (for the moment). But he forgot one thing: the intense appeal of the forbidden fruit.

(Of Money And Yearning Hearts)

Vernon Dursley’s eyes widened when Petunia finally gave him the news, her horsey teeth digging in her lip waiting for his response.

‘But nobody would want to date Lily Evans! It’d be a suicide mission, Tuney. Even if somebody were crazy enough to try, they would end up ripped up to shreds like poor Gus Rookwood’s testicles! That girl is scary as hell.’

‘I know that, but what can we do about it? Sneak out at night just to see each other?’ Petunia said with desperation.

‘Well, never at night, Petunia, what would people think? You would have to say to your father that you’re going to dinner at a friend’s house, for example, and then we could go to a nice restaurant together.’

‘Well I don’t want to hide our relationship my entire life! You are a perfectly respectable prospect, I don’t even see the point of this. My mother was a sensible woman if I’ve ever seen one, she would never have had a problem with any of this. It’s like my father has been hit on the head or something,’ she said moodily.

‘I don’t know what’s gonna happen now, then. I can’t wait around for you all my life until your father recovers his sanity. We have to do something, or forget about the idea of us dating, as tempting as it can be.’

‘How can you even say that?’

‘Tuney, you have to think about me for a second. You know I like you, but if I want to be the manager at my father’s company by the time I’m thirty, I can’t be focusing on petty drama like this, and you know that too. I want to live in a nice house and have my kids go to private schools like I was given the chance, and that means I have to start thinking about my future right now.’

‘Okay, well, what options do we have?’

‘We have to get someone to date your sister.’

‘And how are we going to do that? You know very well she is some kind of hideous breed of loser! I can’t even tell some people that she’s my sister.’

Vernon caressed the start of a mustache he had been trying to grow for some time over a week now. It looked like a piece of carpet he had glued over his upper-lip. He vaguely resembled an old newscaster from the fifties who had gained a bit of weight under his suit.

‘Don’t worry, sweets, I will take care of it. We’ll find some guy who’s rather special.’ Unlike normal people, when Vernon said someone was special, it was in a negative way, as if it were a dangerous thing to be. ‘It’ll be like extreme dating, right?’

He gave her an affectionate hug and a kiss on the forehead and she visibly relaxed under his touch. He was an old-fashioned type and always looked a bit constipated, but bad news made him strangely resemble a whale that’s a bit too thin. Petunia herself was beautiful in an odd, sharp kind of way that would wilt with age, though she didn’t know that (fortunately). She looked as English as can be with her blond hair and long face, thin lips and beautiful blue eyes. They made a strange-looking couple, but when they opened their mouths, you immediately understood they were made for each other.

‘This was going to be okay’, thought Petunia with a wave of relief.

*****

James Potter was lighting a cigarette, casually leaning against a row of lockers, his hurricane hair perfectly messed up as if he didn't have a care in the world (spoiler alert: he cared, a lot). His best friend Sirius Black, sporting a leather jacket and a man bun, was talking about something, his lips barely moving. He looked somewhat upset, which was wildly unusual for him. James looked his normal charming self, except for a subtle frown on his brow.

James Potter was the incarnation of youth. He was beautiful, sharp and fast and he had all this energy that couldn’t seem to be contained in his lean body. That energy made him look so...alive. The way he was determined to fight tooth and nail for everything he needed, a conviction hard as rock for everything he believed in and a stubbornness that didn’t allow him to be wrong. He loved passionately and thought himself invincible — in a way, he was, because people are only invincible until they get beaten. That had not happened to James Potter yet. He lived where other people were only able to exist.

The two of them, Black and Potter, were rarely seen apart and when they moved and talked they seemed to be in perfect symbiosis with each other, as if their synchronicity was rehearsed. One word or one look was enough for them to understand what was going on in the other’s mind. James Potter and Sirius Black came in a package of two, always. They were family, and that was final.

They were still smoking and whispering to each other in this suspicious manner when Vernon Dursley approached them. Vernon had too many questions without answers about the rumors going around about James Potter. He wondered if it was true James had once drunk an entire glass of paint in a bet with Peter Pettigrew in exchange for a speaker, or if he had really slept with seven different porn stars and if one of them would really have stalked him for a month because she had fallen irrevocably in love with him. He did not believe, though, that the girl had been their biology teacher. But could someone realistically eat a whole raw frog? (Some people even claimed that the animal had still been alive.)

These rumors were exactly the reason Potter was his chosen one. He knew the guy could take some from Lily and would recover quickly from her… outbursts, to put it mildly. In addition to that, he did not seem to be afraid of anything, which were attributes one could not afford to be negligent about when thinking of setting up Lily Evans. His gut twisted in on itself, recoiling in some kind of fear he tried to suppress at the idea of facing Potter and his mate.

‘Hello, gentlemen.’

Two surprised, but still bored faces looked up at him. They had stopped talking and stood there in silence, looking utterly superior to everyone around. James let out some smoke directly into Vernon’s face, trying to make it look involuntary. Without a response from the two dark-haired boys, he spoke again.

‘I might have an arrangement that could interest you. You see, I like this girl—‘

‘Do I know ya?’ Black cut him.

‘Vernon Dursley. But I kind of wanted to talk about something with your friend over here. You see, what I really came here for was, huh…’ This was gonna be difficult. Take a good inhale, don’t choke over the strong smell of cigarettes. ‘See that redhead over there?’

‘Yeah.’

Cut to the chase, right? ‘Her name is Lily Evans, and I want you to go out with her.’

Potter and Black looked at each other, incredule, and merely laughed.

‘Yeah, huh-huh, sure thing, Vince.’

‘Vernon’ he corrected, his tone sharpening a bit. ‘Look, what I was trying to say earlier was, this girl I want to date, Petunia Evans, has this really strict father and won’t let her date unless her older sister does. I would—’

Half-listening: ‘That’s a touching story, it really is. Not my problem though.’ James took another drag of his cigarette and looked at the horizon, hoping Vernon would disappear if he ignored him long enough.

‘I’d be willing to offer generous compensation.’

‘How generous?’ Sirius asked. For the first time, he had grabbed one of the boys’ attention, even if it was not the one he had been aiming for.

‘Twenty-five bucks for one date.’

‘Hey, isn’t Lily Evans the girl that kicked Augustus Rookwood in the balls so hard, now he’s actually infertile?’ Sirius chirped in again. ‘Are you crazy, mate? We won’t go for less than fifty.’

‘Padfoot, you’re not a part of this.’ A sigh. ‘I’m not asking out this random chick.’

‘I mean, come on, Prongs, you know she’s hot, in that serial killer, crazy bird way. Can’t deny that.’

‘I thought you liked your prey easy, fit and empty-headed, Sirius, and this one does not fit the criteria at all. Then why are you pushing this?’

‘First of all, my prey? What am I, an eagle? Well, second, she’s not for me, she’s for you. The standard for those is totally different.’ To Vernon: ‘Thirdly, look, he might say no, but don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know what he wants. He has always liked a good challenge. Just give me the money, I decide to say yes for him on this.’

Dursley didn’t know where to stand in this conflict and was nervously balancing on his toes, so he preferred the more passive method that consisted of just nodding, getting out his wallet and giving Sirius a wad of cash. He wouldn’t have known how to win James over otherwise, so he decided he better stay out of this in case it really blew up between Black and Potter, he didn’t want to risk getting punched in the face. Instead of all that pain, he just got exactly what he wanted in the exact moment he wanted it.

While Petunia’s beau was slowly going away, clearly trying to eavesdrop the rest of the fight, James started stage-whispering to Sirius: ‘What the fuck was that, Padfoot?’

‘Sorry, mate, didn’t mean to annoy you or say shitty things about girls and games and all. I know it was patronizing, but I didn’t really mean it, I just didn’t want to tell him the real reason you wanted to say yes, you know?’

‘What are you talking about? There’s no secret reason, I just find it really amoral.’

‘Since when have you cared about that kind of thing? I just wanted to have some fun and some more money never hurts. I know that you’ve got a crush on her, for one because you have a thing for redheads and also cause you can’t stop looking at her when we actually attend McGonagall’s class. Don’t think I haven’t seen you pining away, staring at her red hair as if it was perfection, Romeo. Once, when she raised her hand and started spewing hatred on some author, I caught you grinning at her rambling and it was one of the most frightening sights of my life.’

‘I don’t fancy her and I’m not pining for her. She’s just a hot girl is all. A good distraction from a boring class.’ Good try, James.

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s all. No ashamed crush in here. I believe that. Wholeheartedly. Am I doing too much or do you almost believe me?’ He suddenly got more serious. ‘I get it, no need to put on a show for me. I won’t talk about it anymore.’

(He would. Sirius Black was one for teasing and he couldn’t resist this golden opportunity to make fun of his lovesick best friend.)

Cash changed hands without a word, and James wanted to crumple it and let it drop to the floor, but again he cared too much about stuff: money and chances with untouchable redheads. His heart was so full of opportunities that it made a timid little flip in his chest. If anyone was really paying attention, they would’ve noticed the red flush that colored the back of his neck and the fact that he had now ruffled his hair three times in the last ten seconds. Fortunately for his reputation, no one was watching him closely — yet. (A hint: the next one to do it had lovely green eyes like a fresh pickled-toad.)

(But Not As Cute As Shakespeare)

Marlene McKinnon was waiting for her best friend at a little table in a cafe called the Hog’s Head. She had befriended Aberforth, the owner, a long time ago and he sometimes gave her free cups of tea which kind of made up for the fact that he always smelled faintly of cattle. Today, she was reading Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew and wouldn’t stop huffing every time the door opened and her friend wasn’t the person to come through it.

Lily Evans finally arrived, all red hair and pink cheeks, even though the weather was rather nice that day. The corner of her lips were slightly turned up as if she was hiding a smile, but it disappeared and a frown took its place as soon as she approached Marlene.

‘Ugh, what is it, asshole day?’ Lily said, taking her place at the table.

‘Well, hello to you too, sunshine. What happened?’

‘I had a fight with Sev…’

‘Again?’

‘And James Potter decided it would be a good day to harass me just outside of here. The good news is, he didn’t try to follow me into the cafe.’

‘What did he say to make you so flustered?’

‘I don’t know what has gotten into him. He has suddenly started to flirt with me. He has a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines he uses to annoy me. Yesterday, he called me Girlie?’

‘What? That expression should honestly be illegal.’

‘I’m just as confused as you are.’

‘Well, now I need more examples’, said Marlene with a chuckle.

‘Are you the sun? Because you're lighting up my whole day, baby’, Lily mocked in a fake gruff voice. ‘And of course, are you French? Because Eiffel for you. These are all just from today in like five minutes.’

‘Eww, Eiffel for you is my favorite one! It’s the most disgustingly corny one.’

‘I’m sure he has more. I think he gets them on the Internet, because he can’t be that funny. ’

Her friend laughed even harder. ‘One last one, pretty please?’ She said, her plea accompanied by a pout.

‘Marlene, dearest to my heart, art thou a cat because I feline a connection’, this time in a weird posh accent of the 18th century.

‘The French one still wins, but that’s a close second. I liked the accent though.’

‘Thanks, I added it myself, you know, to add a bit of drama. I can’t match his level, however hard I try. That boy is all dramatics and all sorts of annoying. An arsehole in its most primal form.’

‘James Potter, the rebel, the arsehole, in love. With no one else but Lily Evans, the shrew,’ Marlene joked in a fake bad teenage movie narrator voice.

‘He asked me out on a date some days ago, and I said no, so now he’s just trying to charm me in hopes that I’ll change my mind when he asks again. He has tried to be my science partner? It’s the middle of the year? And we both already had one? I wasn’t gonna let Dorcas get stuck with Sirius Black, because he physically cannot take anything seriously. The real mystery though, is that I have never seen him study and he gets all these good grades.’

‘Well, Potter has some charm, you know, with the grin and all. All the girls fall head over heels. I saw Narcissa Black literally run straight into a garbage bin because she was staring at him while walking the other day. It was like he had asked her to prom or something.’

‘If James Potter asked me to prom, I would vomit, not collide in trash, although colliding with Potter feels a lot like it.’

‘I don’t know, I’d go to prom if I could find a good date. Like a Lysander, because clichéd people would say a Romeo, but I’d count myself lucky not to want to kill myself at the end of the night.’ Lily chuckled.

‘Pfft! With the options we have here, we’d more likely get a Demetrius.’

‘From Hermia’s point of view, that’s a bad opportunity, but if you’re Helena, you’re head over heels. You see, you just have to find someone who suits you.’

‘Stop being so wise, McKinnon, I’m starting to feel as good a counselor as Miss Trelawney. Anyway, I don’t get the appeal of the smoking, arrogant and immature toerags at our school, I’m pretty sure some of them can’t even read, and the girls fall in love with them to forget that they can’t live alone because they absolutely need someone else to make them feel good about their own appearance thanks to our inherently misogynistic society.’

‘I mean, some guys are not totally irrecuperable, don't fall into generalization, Lil. Look at Narcissa’s cousin, he’s horribly fit and has some semblance of a brain.’

‘At least it’s not Black that’s trying to woo me, thank God. His pick-up lines would’ve all been about his package and sent in a group chat for ten different light-headed bimbos.’

‘Wrong, he never goes out with anybody, which must be especially hard considering the number of people falling at his feet. I don’t know, I mean I think he’s kinda cute. I just could never resist a leather jacket.’

‘Who can? But he’s not as cute as Shakespeare.’

‘Of course not, I would never betray Willy, he and I are involved. Sirius would be a side chick at most, nothing more. But I bet Willy Shakes must have been a great shag, because he had thirteen children. That’s a lot.’

‘I’m never sure what to think about you fantasizing about a dead guy, but then I remember how hot Philip Schuyler was.’

‘How do you even know about him? He’s, like, buried deep in the shadows of history.’

‘A weird American girl obsessed with history when I was thirteen.’

‘No comment, you had to get out of that loneliness one way or another. But what a shame they’ve decomposed already, huh?’

‘Yup.’

A dreamy pause.

‘So…’ Marlene said.

‘What?’ She knew exaclty what her friend wanted to know, but Lily decided to play dumb to delay having to answer.

‘What happened with Sev, Lily?’

She sighed and Lily’s features lost any trace of mirth they had held beforehand.

‘The usual talk about immigrants, and I just snapped, not that I’m great at keeping my calm, but this time I was like a fucking volcano, Marls. I mean, I’ve told him a hundred times not to say shite like that and he keeps on doing it. My father was Irish and getting beaten up because of his religion and had to leave his country. It’s not because I’m white that my ancestors have not been oppressed or haven’t immigrated, you know.’

‘How is he so dumb? Why does his sense of logic only apply to sciences, but God forbid to actual human rights. He doesn’t even know what human decency is. I don’t understand why his stupidity doesn’t make him combust on the spot, because he’s a such flaming imbecile!’

‘What, does he think I too should get back to where I come from? So I tell him all that, and it escalates, and he calls me a slut. It was a huge mess. You had never seen me so speechless, and then suddenly it was like the words just flowed out and the volcano was back again.’

‘That’s horrible, Lils, I’m sorry. He’s such a dickhead and a racist arsehole, I hate that guy! You should drop him, you don’t need another friend, I’m here.’

‘I don’t know anymore… I’m just… tired. Of all of it.’

Another pause, but it was different this time. It was a weary one. Marlene gave her hand a squeeze and they smiled. It was gonna be okay.

‘So’, Lily picked up the book lying next to her cup of tea, ‘how’s the reread of The Taming of the Shrew?’

‘Just as misogynistic as the first time, but I read it anyway. Shakespeare’s writing is too beautiful for me to pass it up.’

‘I get that sister. But I still prefer Sylvia Plath.’

‘Traitor!’

Lily laughed, thinking she had the best friend in the entire world.

(Operation Pots Of Lilies)

Themes and stereotypes were Sirius Black’s forte, as he literally embodied one. He was the aristocrat finally free from his prison made of money become rebel: he wore leather jackets and long silky hair that women envied him, owned a motorcycle, smoked cigarettes and wore a ring with his family crest because even disgraced he could still make them ashamed to be part of their family. His one final fuck you to them. He had even gotten a tattoo! He loved playing at it, Sirius Black the outcast, it made his life and his choices feel some much more real. Being the epitome of an aesthetic, he could only appreciate the one Lily Evans had put in place in her room.

One wall was covered in posters: underground bands she liked, classic black and white movies, more modern movies, books (who even had posters of those?) and one of William Shakespeare that Marlene had given her for Christmas last year. James was currently fascinated by a signed Joan Jett one, he seemed smitten with the owner of the room without her having to be there. On her dresser was a jewelry tree where hung a number of necklaces as varied rings littered the surface. James had now sat down on the bed adorned by a comforter covered in an intricate floral imprint. In front of him, a wood bookcase filled to the brim and a twin wood dresser, which Petunia was rifling through without shame.

‘That is my sweater, she is such a big liar, she said she hadn’t seen it!’

‘You know what, we should separate into teams. You get the bands she likes from the posters and I’ll do the books, okay? It’ll be faster this way’, James offered.

Sirius got on the bed and cocked his head to get a better look at the posters while James crouched in front of the bookcase with pencil and paper ready.

‘So what are those?’ Sirius asked, holding concert tickets he had found on her nightstand next to an impressive pile of books that James had yet to examine.

‘Oh, jackpot! That’s her favorite band!’ Petunia snatched the tickets away from him and exclaimed after seeing the date. ‘Shit, the concert is tonight!’

‘Prongs, you really have to go. Your current techniques of seduction haven’t worked yet, you have to show her sometime that you’re not the arsehole she thinks you are.’

James ignored him and turned to Petunia.

‘Are there certain things I need to know about her? Does she have a preference?’

‘You mean, is she a lesbian? No, I don’t think so. I saw a photo of Jared Leto once in her room so I know she likes pretty guys. I don’t exactly know her type, we don’t really talk much, mostly just argue, because, well, look at… all this…’ she gestured to the entirety of the room, as to say, I don’t fit in this world, neither does she in mine. Sadness crossed her features. ‘And she actually likes thai food’, she added with disgust.

‘Yeah, I get it, you’re not exactly compatible’, agreed James.

‘Regardless, all I’ve ever heard her say is that she would never date a guy that smokes.’

‘So you’re telling me I’m a.. non-smoker now?’

‘Yup. Good luck, Prongs. I hear old habits die hard’, said Sirius in a mocking tone.

‘Shut up, Padfoot. So show me what you’ve got?’

‘I thought you wanted me to shut up’ Sirius said with all the cockiness he could muster.

‘Ugh, just…’

‘Yeah, okay, so from what I can gather, the posters and CD collection tell me that her favorite bands are all angry girl music from the indie-rock persuasion. Here’s the list.’

On a piece of paper in an elegant cursive handwriting Sirius hadn’t been able to shed yet:  
Letters to Cleo  
The Raincoats  
The Cardigans  
Spiderbait  
Bikini Kill  
Joan Jett  
The Rolling Stones  
Led Zeppelin  
The Doors

He read over James’ shoulder, his list being approximately the same size and just as filled with women.  
Virginia Woolfe  
Sylvia Plath  
Louisa M. Alcott  
Emily, Charlotte & Anne Brontë  
Jane Austen  
Simone de Beauvoir  
Sappho  
Agatha Christie  
Friedrich Nietzsche  
Leo Tolstoy  
George Orwell

‘That’s some insight to the inner workings of a complicated girl, huh?’

‘So, what band is playing tonight?’ James asked.

‘Letters to Cleo. And guess where it is.’ Sirius looked far too giddy for it to be good news.

‘No, don’t tell me it’s at—‘

‘Yep, what better place than The Three Broomsticks to ruin your reputation forever?’ He smiled even wider.

James just groaned in response.

‘You have to go, otherwise Operation… Why don’t I have a name for this already? Shame on me! Operation… Operation what, James?’

Petunia’s face illuminated as she answered in James’ place. ‘I got it! Operation Pots of Lilies, because Lily and Potter, you know, flower themed and all. That’s the family theme, you know, my mother’s name is Rose with Petunia and Lily. Walter, that’s my father, sounds a bit like water. Yeah, that’s a bit of a stretch, but we were all clearly adorable together!’

Sirius thought it was more on the cheesy side, but he didn’t argue. He knew about family name themes, since the Ancient and Noble House of Black named every child after constellations to make them immortal and higher than anyone else.

‘Okay, that’s it, I’m renaming the group chat! That’s brilliant!’ Sirius exclaimed.

Petunia wasn’t listening anymore, instead she had finally found something rather interesting in the underwear drawer.

‘Aha! A pair of black knickers!’

‘What does that mean?’

‘James, you’re so clueless! How do you even get girls to sleep with you?’ Apparently, it ran in the family not to find James irresistible, which was a first for him. ‘It means she wants to have sex someday. Or that she already has.’ The blonde’s smile grew bigger at the idea of the amount of gossip and power she held in her hands at that very moment. In proof, she held a pair of black laced panties with a matching bra in the air.

‘She could just like the color, that’s all’ argued James.

‘No one buys a pair of black lingerie unless you want someone to see it. Especially when you have a box of condoms buried beneath it!’

‘So, when can we see your room, sweetie?’ Sirius joked.

Petunia became poppy red and muttered something unintelligible about a young girl’s privacy. Few teenagers were immune to the charms of Sirius Black, especially a flirting one, a fact in which he took pride in. James wasn’t paying attention to the exchange, because he was distracted by the arousal he was trying to hide in his pants. His cheeks were taking the same shade as Petunia’s. Sirius didn’t know if he should tease him about it later or not.

What James Potter did not know was that this day would change everything. Falling in love is a meticulous enterprise and takes a number of moments, a million little pieces of someone to make you love them. This, for James, was the first one. He had liked her when she got cheeky replies to his advances and didn’t seem more interested in him than a tree, but seeing how intelligent and complex she could be just by seeing where she lived, a place that told so many insignificant secrets about her, made him ache for her. For more.

(Potter & Evans)

Music reverberated against the walls of the bar as Sirius and James made their way through the crowd. James had convinced his friend to come on the condition that he pay for all of Sirius’ drinks for the night. The Three Broomsticks really wasn’t their scene, and James was having second thoughts about the leather pants he had chosen for the occasion. The ratio of men to women in the room was about twenty for one, which made them feel even more watched, but Sirius didn’t seem bothered by it in the least. Some girls giggled when they saw them approach and James gained a bit more confidence. Immediately, his eyes scanned the room to find Lily and he spotted her, dancing with her friend Marlene. They looked like goddesses from afar, lost in the music and hair whipping the air around them.

James stood there like an idiot for a moment, watching her be so happy and free. It made him want to laugh. And run over there and kiss her on the spot. She was wearing a green top that showed off her shoulders and collarbones, which he admired, and a black leather skirt that matched his pants. She had muscled legs and big thighs because she was on the soccer team and he liked the fact that she looked that strong, strong enough to kick his ass, murder him and run away from the scene of the crime at the first opportunity.

The music was so loud he didn’t hear what Sirius yelled in his ear, but suddenly he was gone.

Some time later, he saw him chatting up some girls and laughing. James decided to sit at the bar and order a beer, because he definitely needed it. He didn’t want to seem like a stalker, so he waited for her to notice his presence. This occurred after a second beer and several attempts from girls to flirt with him. He had started a conversation with Frank, the barman, who he knew from another bar he had previously worked at and suddenly Lily was coming to get two waters on his right, with only one random short-haired chick between them.

When a new song came on, the girl went dancing and Lily saw him in all his leathery glory.

‘God, what, are you stalking me, Potter? Up to a week ago, I had no idea of your previous existence except for the rumor that you maybe ate a whole duck or frog, but now suddenly everywhere I go, there you are!’

Well, so much for trying not to seem like a stalker. And hadn’t he told Sirius not to spread that frog rumor? He knew it would come back to bite him in the ass.

‘You’re kind of ruining this for me, Evans.’

‘What, the music? I’d bet you don’t know anything about this band. Do you even know their name, screwboy?’

‘I know they’re called Letters to Cleo. I mean, they’re no Bikini Kill or the Raincoats, but they’re not bad, per se.’

‘You know who the Raincoats are?’ She looked baffled at the idea.

‘Why, don’t you?’ He knew he was getting on her nerves, and how fun it was! He tried to stay casual even though he wanted to pump his fist in the air because he knew he was winning this round. He had finally surprised her.

He looked at her again and she was swaying lightly to the music at his sides. She had never looked less threatening or mean. Had he ever wanted to kiss someone so badly?

His impulsive side got the better of him and he started screaming to make himself heard over the music. ‘I was watching you out there before, I’d never seen you look so sexy!’

The music ended and he word ‘sexy’ hung in the air while all the girls turned their heads to look at him before starting to laugh. They had decided he was cute enough for it to be charming and not creepy. Lily, after a moment of hesitation, started laughing too. She had wonderful pink lips and imperfect teeth, but that only made her more beautiful and it felt like an exploding sun in James’s stomach. She searched for Marlene in the crowd and made her way to her. James was surprised to see Sirius laughing and dancing with her.

He followed Lily deeper on the dance floor and they were getting closer to the stage. The music got significantly louder and James didn’t bother to try to start a conversation. They just danced together. They settled in an easy rhythm, happy to be together in such an effortless way. Sometimes, his hand would brush against hers and James’ heartbeat would speed up. He was getting sweaty and stole a bit of her water, he couldn’t help but notice how their mouths touched the same plastic. It was either creepy or childish and he didn’t know which was worse, so he tried to keep that thought out of his mind.

After another hour of dancing and brushing skins and spying on her while trying not to have too many eye contact not to seem creepy and observing how beautiful she looked when she was having fun, the concert was coming to an end. The four teenagers were all secretly disappointed when the last song was announced and started dancing with even more vigour than before. James already felt nostalgia and longing for a moment that had not yet ended. He didn’t dare to speak for now because he was afraid to break the spell of the gentle equilibrium between Lily and him.

Red hair flew around him and he discovered how soft it was when it flicked him in the face. She grabbed his hand to make herself twirl and she giggled and beamed in a way unlike her usual hostile self while she spinned. James realized at the much dreaded end of the song that she still had not let go of his hand. It made him grin like a madman. The last notes of the song echoed like goodbyes in his ears, but that didn’t stop him from smiling.

James tried to ignore the sound of Sirius and Marlene talking and chuckling in the background.

‘Alright, Evans?’

‘Yeah.’ She stopped to look at their intertwined fingers and let his hand go to put a lock of hair behind her ear with a shy ghost of a smile.

‘Did you have a good time tonight? I hope we didn’t bother you too much.’

‘Well, my favorite band’s concert at my favorite bar rarely makes for a bad night. Of course, Sirius was a joy to dance with, you were the burden of the two of you.’ A smile still floated on her lips and had held hands with him for an entire song so he chose to believe she was teasing even though he couldn’t really tell. Lily wasn’t the kind to hold back her annoyance, even less when it was directed at him.

‘Will you come to Pettigrew’s party with me?’

She laughed. ‘You never give up, do you, Potter?’

‘Was that a yes, Evans?’

‘No,’ she said playfully.

‘Well, was that a no then?’ The boy asked, amused and puzzled at the same time.

‘No.’

‘Bad luck, Prongs’ said Sirius, a touch of mocking in his voice. He and Marlene had finally joined Lily and him at their spot on the dance floor.

‘I’ll come pick you up at nine thirty then. Lovely to see you, girls!’ James said, slowly retreating toward the door of the bar, happy to finally be out of there.

‘Come on, Marls, I want to go congratulate the band for the set. We simply have to meet them! This is Letters to Cleo!’ Lily declared with wide eyes that shimmered with excitement.

‘In a second, okay?’

Marlene turned to say goodbye to Sirius and was surprised when he gave her a lingering kiss instead. When he broke the kiss and jogged to catch up with James, she raised a hand to her lips and her cheeks turned pink.

(Hypnotize & Whole Lotta Love)

The door of her sister’s room was ajar and Petunia decided to take a chance. She didn’t want this conversation to turn into a row again, but Lily had a habit of making their relationship difficult. Petunia only wanted her to be normal and let her have the teenage experiences and adventures she craved. The redhead was like an alien to her.

‘Hey, Lils?’ Petunia started in a soft voice, hoping that she would find her sister in a good mood.

‘Yeah’ came the dry response. A flash of white brought Lily’s attention on her sister’s unusually long (but still graceful) neck. ‘Where did the pearls come from?’

‘They were Mum’s,’ answered Petunia, observing them in the mirror above the dresser.

‘You’ve been what, hiding them for three years?’ Lily snapped.

‘Daddy found them in a drawer last week.’

Lily said nothing more, but continued to eye her sister’s neck with distrust. ‘Great,’ thought Petunia, ‘now I’ve made her upset.’ Lily had been close to their mother and it had been a real loss when she left them three years ago. Rose Evans felt that she had not lived her life to the fullest and she could not bear to be tied down to her family. Those were not her exact words, but their meaning had been plenty clear.

She had taken a safari in Kenya, had backpacked through the United States and taken a train across Canada (ironically while reading Anna Karenina) and had finally settled in Ireland because she liked big open spaces and the history of Celtic culture. There she had opened a cafe and lived a simple life with a new man, a stranger.

Her daughters had seen her a grand total of four times in the last three years and each one of them had been painfully awkward, the awkwardness of a love and supposedly unbreakable tie of blood brutally severed and the horrible loss endured. It felt like there was nothing to say to each other anymore, everyone having chosen a path, but still innumerable issues had not been given any closure. Shaking her head to get rid of these annoying thoughts, Petunia attempted to change the subject.

‘So there is a party at Peter Pettigrew’s tonight and Vernon—’ The youngest was cut off immediately by her sister.

‘With him? Why? He is a horrible bore who only wants to go to this party to seem and feel normal and accepted by his peers because he cannot think of anything else but his reputation. The only causes of his questionable moral values are his egotistical capitalist-driven upbringing in a suburban upper middle-class town by two white supremacist parents who couldn’t give a shit about something else but how their lawn could look to their neighbors’, Lily stated in a somewhat pretentious manner, however accurate the portrait she painted might have been. Petunia was surprised to see she had not taken a breath during her entire tirade.

‘Lily, please. You have to help me enjoy my adolescence, I don’t care how wrong I can be.’

‘You’re making a mistake right now, Tuney. You can’t see it because he seems like such a babe (this was said in a sarcastic voice, a poor imitation of Petunia and her friends) but you’re too good for him.’

‘This is just a party! It’s not quite the hell or crisis situation you imagine. I’m not asking the world of you right now, just some basic human kindness here.’

The eldest stayed silent, mulling her options over. Petunia continued:

‘Come on, Lils, this is not a big sacrifice.’ Her shoulders dropped a bit when the other still gave no answer, but Petunia did not surrender. She was resolute to win this round. ‘I’m only asking you to be my big sister right now. Please!’

Lily raised her head to look at her sister and her determined expression. She toyed with her hair a bit, sitting up straighter on her bed and finally decided on a low bun like the ones she adorned when she was studying or thinking very hard. Petunia started to smile a bit, she was getting through to her.

‘You know you want to,’ she added in a sing-songy voice.

‘Fine, I’ll make an appearance,’ Lily said with a little amused shake of her head. ‘But no snogging Vernon in front of me, because I will get sick at the sight. And please, think some more about what I said. A lot more, perhaps.’

Petunia’s face saddened at the reminder. Her sister still didn’t understand her right to free will when it came to making decisions that did not contradict every expectation people held for them. Time would come, she supposed.

When she opened the front door, still putting her leather trench coat on, Lily was caught off guard when she saw James Potter standing in the doorway, wild-haired and wide-smiled. She had not forgotten his offer to take her to the party, but she never would have thought he would come through and actually come pick her up. She had speculated that she might have to avoid him at the party itself if ever she was crazy enough to attend it, but not this.

At Lily’s stunned features, James tried to explain.

‘Nine-thirty, right? Isn’t that what we said?’

‘Whatever, get in the car, I’m the one driving,’ she said curtly, leading him to the door. Her face flickered like she was going to smile.

*****

Peter Pettigrew had never had an ounce of luck. He was scrawny, poor since his father had left the house when he was nine, now fatherless, not very smart by any means and a bit of a coward. He had never won any kind of contest, as little as it may be, not even bingo, had survived every kind of injury possible, from falling down the stairs multiple times a week to third-degree burns and had now fallen with a bad crowd at school.

Peter Pettigrew never had any luck and today his house was trashed: stains of beer everywhere, loud music, a smashed window because of a fight between two rowdy teenagers, the lingering smell of pot that would not go away for a week after, the loud cheers, spilled alcohol that made the floors sticky, his parents’ cherished crystal broken in a million pieces, as would be their trust in him when they would return and all of that because of James Potter. He was of the loyal and spiteful kind, which was one of the worst combos when it came to the level of forgiveness one is able to give out. James’s was very low.

The feud (it was a feud on James’s part, though Pettigrew had absolutely no idea what was going on or who was coming at him) had started about a week ago, when Peter had the misfortune of being the one to deliver a certain amount of coke to Regulus Black’s house. Now, this was not a valuable reason enough for James Potter to seek revenge, but his spreading humiliating rumors was. Regulus, a bit stoned and shaken by a recent encounter with his estranged brother, had started spilling family secrets into Pettigrew’s much too eager ear. For ruining Sirius Black’s reputation and mental health, the culprit had received a well-deserved malicious prank, courtesy of a certain black-haired duo.

Potter and Black had been whispering a lot lately, trying to keep the rumors of the Black family from spreading, planning the prank on Pettigrew and several ways for James to charm the socks off Lily Evans.

James was taking great pains to follow Lily though the aforementioned mess that kept multiplying because of the sheer number of adolescents he had been able to attract to Peter’s house. She felt a bit out of place and didn’t know what to do with herself, so she waded quickly through the crowd, bobbing her head slightly to the music even though she didn’t like it.

‘Lily!’ Someone cried out in the crowd. James saw a twitch in her shoulders, meaning she had recognized the sharp voice and he wondered why she chose to dutifully ignore it.

Soon, a bat-like specimen with greasy hair that James disliked immediately made to grab her arm. She undid herself of his grip and scoffed at him.

‘What do you want?’ James had never heard her voice so cold or seen her face so threatening, and she was not a warm and fuzzy kind of person, not with him anyway.

‘I just want to talk to you,’ he pleaded.

‘Sev… Severus, I think I’ve heard all you had to say to me already. I’m not interested.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Still not interested,’ she started to turn away, but couldn’t quite seem to follow through with it. Her face was as hard as stone.

‘I’m sorry, Lily.’

‘Save your breath!’

James was surprised that Snape’s breath had not turned to mist, because Lily was being cold as fuck.

‘Come on, Lils, I didn’t mean it!’

‘What, let me guess it just slipped out? I don’t care,’ she said through gritted teeth. He tried to touch her again and she practically screamed. ‘I said. Leave. Me. Alone!’

She turned on her heels and grabbed a shot of tequila from a guy passing with a plateau. She drank it in one gulp and snatched a second one in the same minute.

*****

Petunia did not know what had come over her sister since the time she had left home before her with James Potter and the time she arrived at the party with her best friend Yvonne, smartly dressed in a green sundress. She watched her sister’s embarrassing antics from afar and tried her best to think nothing of it. The good news was, most people wouldn’t notice that Lily had gotten terribly drunk in between all this madness. A fight had broken between Arthur Weasley and Edgar Bones over Molly Prewett and they had managed to destroy two vases, five family photos, several buttons from Arthur’s shirt and a screen glass-door, it truly was quite an extraordinary feat to enclose all that damage in under seven minutes.

Lily had tried to come talk to her, but Petunia had hissed in a low voice. ‘Don’t address me in public, please. Particularly not when you’re like this.’

She had finally gotten a hold of Vernon, who was mingling with his other Ivy-League accepted friends and introduced her to everybody as his girlfriend, which made her rather proud. She had not applied to uni yet, being a year younger than Vernon, but she already knew she would not need her degree. She wanted to be a stay-at-home mum, have many kids and take care of her loving family. To lead a respectable and agreeable life was her goal, and nothing else.

‘Hi, I’m Petunia, how are you doing?’ she kept saying over and over. Vernon was entranced in a passionate conversation about the economy while keeping a cool temper, and it felt extremely nice to hear someone argue brilliantly without getting too hot-headed.

She had a bit of beer and found it atrocious for it tasted like feet, but the relaxing feeling washing over her was nice. Her head felt empty of all concerns and she just wanted to have a bit of good-natured fun. She laughed at Vernon’s golf jokes and danced to the music and kissed her boyfriend. She felt free and content. This was good. This felt good. One could say that all was well.

*****

If Petunia was suitably tipsy for the occasion, Lily had gotten very, very drunk. Drunk Lily was a whole other person. Drunk Lily had a lot of mood swings and conflicting feelings and did things that Sober Lily would be nauseous over. Actually, Drunk Lily had a certain tendency to vomit. She cried a lot and smiled a lot, she let out all the emotions and the weaknesses that Sober Lily felt obligated to bottle.

She walked in an airily manner that suggested she was light as a feather, but stumbled a bit and tried to pass it for dancing. She couldn’t really think over the ruckus of her own mind and tried to focus on the music to stop thinking. Maybe she needed another drink. Was she at her fourth or fifth? Had she even eaten since lunch?

Sirius had been waiting in James's car when she opened the door and they had picked up Marlene unexpectedly on the way. They had been chatting in the back while Potter and her argued about the music.

Potter kept following her around, failing to see that she was perfectly fine and that she didn’t need his help. His glasses sat slightly askew on the bridge of his nose, but she didn’t want to tell him because she liked the way they matched the crooked grin he adopted when he tried to soften her up. Sirius and Marlene were on the dance floor already, looking like greek gods from afar, too perfectly sublime to be true, but she could see her best friend checking on her from afar every once in a while.

She clenched her fingers around her glass, Severus could go to hell, she was tired of making excuses for him and of feeling like shit when he was around. She didn’t need him, in fact she was convinced she didn’t need anybody. ‘I’m a big girl, no reason to try to make me fit in a mold that was made for someone else,’ she thought.

She definitely deserved another shot. James aimed to take it away from her and drink it himself, but Lily protested.

‘No, this one’s mine!’

She wanted to get away from him, he was annoying her. Too nice and funny and cute. Who even behaved like that? She was getting more cynical by the minute, apparently and wanted to turn her mind off completely. Hypnotize by Notorious B.I.G started to play on the speakers and the impulsive and drunken side of her mind took over.

She was dancing with her classmates one minute and suddenly she was up on a table dancing lascively and couldn’t remember how she got up there. Had she been less inebriated, she might have felt the staring eyes of everyone and heard the cheers from boys who looked at her like a piece of meat, but tonight she didn’t care (had she been less inebriated, she never would have done this in the first place. As was stated before, Drunk Lily was a whole other person).

She felt free, her long hair flicking against her back over her pink tank top and on her naked arms. She felt (or imagined maybe) the loud vibrations of the music and swung her hips back and forth to the rhythm of the music. She closed her eyes and savoured the moment, her misty brain deeming it perfect. She licked her lips and her cheeks were red from the hot summer air and the drinks she had taken, but why should she mind? She felt great!

She was, in fact, hypnotized. The thought made her laugh a bit and she fell on her knees in her improvised choreography that was surprisingly good, especially when you accounted for the fact that she was completely trashed. She gave herself a mental high five for that.

She heard Sirius bark of laughter and saw Marlene’s smile, and eagerly invited them on the table with a wave of her hand, but they didn’t budge. Disappointed, she kept on dancing, ignoring everything around her. She was exhilarated and didn’t know if it was from the alcohol or just the music. (It was the alcohol.)

After performing a rather alluring move that would have initiated a huge rant about the hypersexualisation of young girls had it been someone else doing it, she stood up a bit too fast and hit her head on the chandelier hanging over the dining table. She fell in Potter’s open arms like a scene from a movie without being able to help thinking that he was quite heroic and charming at the moment, which she mentally scolded herself for. Annoying prat. She could handle herself, thank you very much.

Marlene rushed to her side, worried creases adorning her forehead and twirling nervously her blonde hair.

‘Marlene, it’s okay, I’ll take it from here. Go find Sirius. The less people and noise, the better, especially if she has a concussion,’ James offered. Marlene could only acquiesce.

They went outside to get a bit of fresh air, and the boy was still afraid she might suffer from a concussion, but all she felt was terribly tired. She wished she could tuck herself under her covers and sleep for a hundred years, misogynistic fairytale references be damned.

‘Lily, wait up! We don’t want you to fall again,’ James called after her.

She scrambled to a set of swings in the backyard and they sat there. She was having a bit of trouble not falling over and she was grateful to Potter when he steadied her with a warm hand on her back, though she would not have told him that. The handles of the swing were made of rough rope and the uncomfortable sensation anchored her into reality.

Instead, what came out of her mouth was ‘You’re so patronizing.’

‘Leave it to you to use big words when you’re smashed,’ he said with a smile.

‘God, I wish I were asleep right now,’ Lily sighed.

‘But this party would be so boring without you. Who would drunkenly dance on tables in your absence?’

‘Helena Hodge?’

He chuckled. ‘But then I’d have to start taking out girls that actually like me.’

This made her crack up, for some reason. Her brain was foggy and he looked cute. If his messy hair was like a bird’s nest, how wonderful to be able to fly and come back home to him.

‘Like you could find one,’ she tried to say with contempt, but she was afraid it was obvious that she believed exactly the contrary.

‘See that, there? Who needs affection when you have blind hatred?’ He teased.

A comfortable silence fell between them, but James Potter never had been one for silences.

‘So why did you let this guy Snape get to you?’ He asked, unsure if he was crossing into private territory that would make her angry again.

‘We used to be friends, I grew up and he grew into his dick personality. He still harasses me. He tried to grope me into the lunch line once. He’s just… awful.’

‘I’m sorry,’ his features were concerned and almost pitying, and Lily didn’t like that. A diversion would be good right now, but she couldn’t think of anything because she was, as cliché as it sounded, lost in his eyes. They were hazel and it was rare that authors found ways to romanticize brown eyes, but he made her realize how they were all wrong. His eyes were tree trunks and the soil she used for her plants that she loved to take care of and the hard rock Catherine Linton spoke of in her love declaration to Heathcliff and he made her think about nature and life and roots, that were her favorite metaphor. He was a stable guy, always there, annoyingly always there, messy but trying to glue the pieces back together with a surprising dose of perfectionism.

Her breath hitched, though she didn’t know why. She had a sudden urge to kiss him. (Please remember the amount of alcohol in her body to justify this absurd amount of romance novel talk).

‘Hey, your eyes have a little bit of gold in them,’ (They didn’t, but she was feeling poetic and it was all she found to say, though she could have written a whole essay about them.)

And then she proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach on his shoes. A bit of vomit was stuck in her hair and her throat ached. She scrunched her eyes shut and hoped that she could crawl in a hole into the ground. There is a certain vulnerability to someone seeing you… she almost couldn’t bear to say it, how weak does it make you feel to hurl, especially when you have company, especially that company is a person that you have just started to be attracted to. God, she felt utterly humiliated! How was this her life right now?

‘Oh my God, I am so sorry, James!’

He sighed a bit, but reassured her that he didn’t mind, Sirius apparently sometimes did this when he had a particularly intense night at the bar.

‘This is not my first rodeo,’ he said jokingly. She half-heartedly chuckled, but she still felt horrible and something even worse happened: she started to cry. This was too much humiliation on top of all the emotions she had had tonight. She was now uncontrollably sobbing onto James’s shoulder.

Okay, Lily, you have to calm down, okay? We need to calm down, we need to make this okay, Lils, you understand? There is someone present right now and we don’t like people seeing us like this, not in this horrible state. How does one even stop this? Okay, okay, okay, we have to… take a breath… deep breaths. Stop sobbing, please stop sobbing now! He is seeing everything and you feel naked, please stop now. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. This is horrible. You have to stop this right this moment! He is seeing you being weak and crying, aren’t you supposed to be Miss Tough? Well played, then! Come on, shut up! Stop bawling your eyes out in front of arrogant boys, goddamnit! FUCK!! Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Stop! You are weak and embarrassing and you should hate yourself forever because you officially deserve it.

She put a hand to her forehead, her shoulders still shaking. She muttered to herself, trying to even herself, to put a stop to the chaos.

‘Hey, Lils, what is it?’ She had never heard his voice so soft before and looked at him beneath her (stupid, stupid, stupid) tears.

‘Sorry, it’s nothing, I’m being an idiot and I’m drunk and tired. I’m so sorry. God, this is embarrassing.’

He did not know how to respond, so he just held her, and his arms were cozy and soft and steady and she felt desperate, so she clung to him despite her best efforts.

‘My sister hates me, and I miss the old Sev of when I was young, and my mum left us because she cared more about herself than her family, and my dad doesn’t understand any of this because he too concentrated on trying to make himself believe that he’s happy and I just feel so alone!’

‘You have Marlene. And Sirius and me, of course. And I’m sure some boys would be very happy to become friendly with you after that little dance number you performed for us tonight. I swear, the audience was hypnotized,’ he guffawed at his own bad joke and she giggled too, having had the same thought earlier.

‘My father doesn’t want to let me go to the university of my choice because it’s on the other side of the country. Everyone has all this big destiny, life path or whatever planned out for me and I hate it. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?’

‘They don’t get to decide for you, and you wouldn’t ever let anybody do that, you’re Lily Evans, scary and stubborn and always right.’

(I want to kiss you so bad, you are much too sweet and are you trying to kill me with those sleeves rolled up to your elbows and your messy hair and grin and glasses and everything. I would straighten you up, but then you’d lose all your crooked charm. You are starting to be my favorite boy.)

To make her fall for him even more, she would’ve sworn he made her swoon on purpose, however hard she tried to fight it, he made her get up, snuggled her against his chest and started singing softly. The worst of all was that he wasn’t half-bad. He sang a song that had recently regained popularity and it played on the radio all the time. She had put it on the way to Peter’s house. He sang ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ to her, with a smidgen of arrogance because he knew he was good and it made the whole thing even more adorable.

They were swaying in the night, the music of the party almost imperceptible over the sound of James’s voice. He had a smooth, calm voice that seemed to be made for love songs and ballads and Lily relaxed in the moment, closing her eyes to appreciate this charming new development better. When she opened them, he was still looking at her, as if he actually couldn’t take his eyes off her. He smirked at her and leaned closer to her face, giving her time to escape him if she wanted to, but she stayed there, frozen and fascinated, almost.

Her eyes twinkled like little stars and his lips met hers in a tender kiss. He kissed admirably, which she wasn’t surprised about in the least. He put his hand in her hair and mused at how soft it was, but she just kissed him harder. She didn’t dare put her tongue in his mouth because she had hurled just moments ago and she imagined she tasted of tequila and bad choices. James tasted of chocolate and beer, a weird combination, but she didn’t mind, because his mouth felt wonderful against hers.

‘I thought I would feel like kissing an ashtray, but this was actually great,’ Lily said in a mocking tone.

‘I quit smoking, actually. Apparently it’s not exactly good for your lungs.’

‘Ya think?’

He gave her another brief kiss. She couldn’t stop grinning. He wasn’t exactly unhappy himself.

‘Come on, Lils, you’re drunk, I think it’s time we go home, okay? We’ll see if you still like me in the morning,’ he extended a hand to her and she took it. They went back to her car and this time he was the one to sit in the driver’s seat. She hated that, or so she tried to convince herself of it when the ghost of their kiss kept creeping up uninvited in her thoughts.

‘Won’t Sirius and Marlene be mad that we’re going without them? I don’t want to maroon them at Peter Pettigrew’s house, I mean I’m not that horrible,’ Lily said, frowning.

‘You’re not horrible at all. They’re just gonna have to get another ride or ring our parents or hers. They’re all grown up, I’m sure they’ll be okay,’ he assured her.

She dreamt of him that night, in a meadow filled with peonies bigger than her head and they runned around, laughing and kissing and touching each other for no reason. He had a nightmare that she hated him for taking advantage of her when she was sloshed and slapped him across the face in front of the whole cafeteria. One could say that all was well.

*****

Sirius and Marlene had selected a spot in the downstairs bathroom and locked the door. Multiple people had rapped agressively at the door claiming they had to pee or vomit, but they had let those poor, unfortunate souls fend for themselves. Sitting in the bathtub at her side, Sirius looked positively beautiful, his hair had grown even longer and she longed to touch it and maybe even braid it. He wore eyeliner which underlined even more his grey eyes, which one could have thought to be lifeless, but they were days of cloudy skies and contained nuances and different tones that fascinated her. She should know, since she had been studying them for the past hour while they were talking.

The rings on his hands sometimes hit her when he waved his arms in the air while talking because they were so close to one another, but Marlene didn’t mind. The sides of their knees touched and she wondered if he had also noticed and she was delighted at the fact that the more the time passed, the more their shoulders seemed to sink into each other.

He was recounting the story of the time James had broken three bones in three consecutive days and she couldn’t stop giggling. ‘After this, remind me to tell you about the time we got in a fight with a bloke in a grocery store. Oh, also about the time when we started a full-fledged protest at eleven years-old by accident.’

‘Pass me the bottle, will you? I’ll need it to believe this one and besides, you’ve been hogging it!’ Accused Marlene, referring to the bottle of rhum they had stolen from the kitchen.

He gripped it tightly, hugging it jealously. ‘No! It’s mine!’ Sirius said in a toddler’s voice. Marlene wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, but started wrestling him for it, practically putting all her weight on him. A very good excuse to get close, it seemed.

‘Whoa there, Muhammad Ali! I’ll give it to you, no need for physical violence! My my!’ He made as if to clutch imaginary pearls and she laughed before taking a swig.

‘I can’t decide yet if I love this party or not, because it’s unbelievably loud and obnoxious. I mean, it’s fine for an hour or so, but after that… But this is actually really fun! You’re a better person to be stuck in a loo with than I thought, Black.’

‘You better enjoy this party, McKinnon, Prongs and I were the ones to set it up. Pettigrew can’t get any credit for this!’

‘Wait, he didn’t know this was happening?’ Asked Marlene.

‘Nope,’ said a nonchalant Sirius.

‘Should I think that is really funny or really mean?’

‘Well, we heard about the party and just happened to give away flyers saying it was an open house with free beer. But it was for a good cause, because he was the one to start spreading rumors about me. ’

‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions. But, you are right he is a dick! I’ll never forget the things he did in the girls’ locker room, I am scarred forever!’

‘I don’t believe in all that hell and heaven stuff, so don’t get worried on my account.’

‘But…,’ she hesitated, afraid to be indiscreet, ‘what rumors? I can never imagine you getting upset about anything that’s said about you. You always just.. go along with it. Always.’

‘Stuff with my family sways me a bit more, you know. It’s… complicated and…’ he was at a loss for words and Marlene put a compassionate hand on his knee. He smiled sadly at her. ‘They’re hard to please, you see, and I’m tired of trying to live up to impossible standards. I moved out some time ago and I had been living with James for a while there, but I’ve got my own place now.’

‘I’m really sorry that your family is shit,’ she said.

‘Well, you know what they say: Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. The truth is, I don't exactly want everybody to know where my scars come from, especially not coming from Pettigrew. When I came to school with bruises, I would just tell everyone I got in fights a lot, because it seemed better than the real story. They disowned me when I came out as bi and that’s when James’s family took me in.’

‘The Potters are good people, Black, you’re very lucky to have them as parents now, even though it’s a little… later than most.’

‘Yeah, well, you know what they say about your chosen family and all that.’

Marlene wanted to ask him to be a part of his chosen family, but it seemed very forward and extreme and she was a bit too tipsy to be thinking clearly about love declarations. What she meant to say was, I want to be there for you, I like you a lot, give me a chance to help you. She did not say anything. Instead, she kissed him, a soft and lingering kiss that tasted of rhum and sweets. She tried to make him forget about his terrible family. He responded fiercely, turning his torso awkwardly to be able to put his hands on her waist. They kissed for a long time and when they came up for air they only beamed at each other.

She nibbled at his neck, teasing a bit of skin with a small scar on it. She kissed his collarbones and lowered his shirt to access his shoulders. He captured her mouth again and they moaned into the kiss.

A knock at the door interrupted them and they separated again, Marlene’s cheeks red and her blonde hair in disarray. Sirius readjusted his shirt, stood up and offered her a hand.

‘Milady’ he said in his poshest accent.

‘Ooh, I see the noble upbringing oozing out of you, Master Black.’ Her eyes widened, and she muttered. ‘That was a lot dirtier than it sounded in my head, sorry.’

Sirius merely laughed and gestured again for her to take his hand, which she did. They got out of the bathroom, trying and failing to look inconspicuous as an angry Dedalus Diggle side-eyed them.

Marlene tried to hide her embarrassment by changing the subject. ‘So you like the Russians, huh?’

‘And vodka,’ he said matter-of-factly.

‘Yeah, I could have guessed that because of your relationship with rhum. I have to say, I’m more of a Shakespeare girl myself.’

‘Do you like the acting or just the reading material?’

‘A bit of both. I wish I could be an actress or something, maybe write my own plays, but that’s only my impossible dream. I’ll probably end up as an elementary school teacher, I mean I kinda like kids.’

Sirius and Marlene got out of the quaint house and discovered Potter’s car gone, but they were too giddy to care. Sirius accompanied her to her house and they laughed all the way (and kissed quite a bit). He didn’t even miss his motorbike and she didn't remember ever feeling this free. Her cheeks were a bright pink when she entered her house because of a certain long good night kiss that had been much appreciated.

He had a long walk back to his flat, but he whistled all the way, thinking about her. One could say that all was well.

(Satisfactions Of A Lovely War)

McGonagall was a black and stern woman with graying hair always pulled into a tight bun at her neck. She taught English, one of the only classes that didn’t bore James out of his mind, though that did not guarantee his attendance. Today she was analyzing Shakespeare’s sonnets and dropped some facts about his life from time to time to keep their attention.

‘Open up your books to page 73, sonnet 141.’ A shuffle of papers. ‘In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes./For they and thee a thousand errors note./  
But ‘tis my heart loves what they despise,/Who in despite of view is pleased to dote.’ Was Mcgonagall… rapping? James had never been so happy to attend a class, even if this was his favorite class with his favorite teacher.

‘Now, I know Shakespeare’s a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that. I want you all to write me a version of this sonnet. You have fifteen minutes left, so you can start the homework until the end of the period.’ She sat down at her desk and started to mark assignments.

James stared at Lily’s hair for a long time, watching her chewing at the end of her pen in search of inspiration, while he thought about their kiss at the party and was looking for a reason to go talk to her again. Sirius elbowed him in the ribs to attract his attention and gave him a cigarette under the desk with a mischievous grin. He knew James would accept it and that he would get detention for it. Which was exactly what happened.

The rancid smell of the cigarette floated in the air and distracted McGonagall from what she had been saying, but she regained her concentration easily. Her nostrils flared, her eyes scanning the room to catch the culprit and landing on James, a ciggie hanging at the corner of his mouth and smoke coming out of his nose. She came over to his desk without stopping her lesson, took the cigarette and pressed it with the end of her heel.

‘I’ll be happy to see you Saturday at eight for your detention, Mr Potter.’ Her features showed no emotion whatsoever. James wished he had her talent for poker faces.

‘I’ll be happy as a clam to see you again, Professor. A real pleasure,’ said James in a sarcastic tone.

After the class had ended, James stood up, waiting for Sirius to join him, his bag standing on only one of his shoulders, but it was Vernon that showed up at his side instead, to his annoyance. He casually slipped James two hundred-dollar bills.

‘Here, for the prom. This should be enough for the limo, the tickets, everything.’

James didn’t move, seemingly tortured by some internal dilemma and Vernon waved the money in front of his face to get his attention.

‘Earth to Potter. Don’t tell me you want out now?’

‘I mean, it’s not fair to anyone. I’m sick of this little game or whatever this is. What are you even getting in all this trouble for, to get into Petunia Evans’s knickers?’

‘My love is all pure, Potter. I’m just trying to give everyone a fair chance at having an opportunity with an Evans girl. I thought you fancied that Lily bird.’

James hesitated still, his brow furrowed. His conscience was gnawing at him and he could feel it in his guts, a horrible twisting sensation that looked like hunger. She would hate him the moment she discovered the deception and he would never see her again. He would be a sorry sod without this girl and her electric presence.

‘Would you still be sick of it for say, three hundred?’ Vernon proposed. The other boy sighed heavily, eyes hunting for a redhead who had stayed behind, but his hands collected his ill-gotten goods. He tried to push away the bitter thoughts that ran amok under his skull and went up to Sirius.

*****

Lily and James were peddling a small, rented, leisure boat. She figured it was the modern version of a rowboat. The sun glistened over their heads and she could see that James’ hair was actually a very dark brown when it shone like this under the rays. He wore a leather jacket that he had borrowed from Sirius, probably to make himself look cool and dangerous, she thought.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be in detention this morning?’ Lily asked, which only furthered his rebellious image in her mind.

‘I only wake up early for pretty girls, McGonagall sadly doesn’t make the cut.’

‘If she had promised to rap again like yesterday, would you have attended?’

‘I would have dragged you there myself, because no one should miss that kind of show. Too good to be true, I tell you. I would pay good money to see that again.’

Lily giggled. ‘Then I count myself very lucky that McGonagall didn’t sign herself up for an open mic today.’

‘You should, I’m a total snack.’

‘Ehh, I would have taken Sirius over you, but I could never do that to Marlene.’

‘Sirius doesn’t accept to date people that have better hair than him, and that’s the only reason he and I aren’t together.’

She snorted rather inelegantly. ‘I do have fantastic hair, thank you very much. Now, this is only the romantic part of the date, but after this I’m gonna shoot your dumb bum at paintball and I can’t wait.’

‘Whoever had the idea of giving Lily Evans a gun was fearless and a total idiot.’

‘I would argue that Past James was actually a genius.’

He reached down to the dirty lake and sprayed water on her with a flick of his wrist.

‘Do you really want to start a second war when the main one hasn’t even begun?’ She threatened with glaring eyes. He straightened his posture and stayed nice for the rest of the ride.

Moments later, Lily Evans was covered in paint and chasing her date around with a gun. They were messy and covered in paint. James had blue on one cheek, yellow on the other, his left shoulder was purple and his knees were stained green. The rims of his glasses sported an ambitious orange from when he had shot one on Lily’s hair from too close and it had bounced back on him. She wasn’t much better with the red on her collarbones and one of her teeth stained blue, yellow ankles and thighs the same colour as her the paint in her hair.

On her chest was a huge red stain, the same colour as the blood that her heart pumped too fast, the same colour as her cheeks when James made flirty comments and the same colour as his lips when he kissed her (before attacking again, because James had never let his sentimental side overshadow his competitive one, as was she.) Their huge overalls that had once been white were not the conventional attire for a first date, but Lily couldn’t have cared less. (He would have been beautiful in a potato sack anyway).

Lily trash-talked him like there was no tomorrow and came up with the most creative insults she could, like arrogant toerag and four-eyed dumbass and slimy slithering serpent and dumbass lion that could never surpass any lioness which was followed by a lecture about the roles of the male and female of this particular feline species and illiterate tarantula when she caught him saying Hermione wrong when talking about Shakespeare’s Winter Tale and one about a babbling baboon that wasn’t as funny as she remembered. (He made everything better, perhaps.)

She kept running in front of him, trying to escape the bullets he shot at her to show him down. She teased him by hiding out behind props and shooting him when he wasn’t expecting her. He retaliated by following her from behind in a narrow corridor and shooting her without her being able to escape until she got so mad she yelled at him for three minutes straight and almost cried, though she wouldn’t admit it. She was an exceptionally sore loser, as he discovered that day.

Lily grinned so hard that her jaw hurt and she kept getting cramps because she laughed too much when she ran away from him. Savage wars are lovely, but only when they’re not real.

‘You light up this whole arena and you put more colours in my life than any paintball bullet ever could,’ he whispered to her, but she didn’t hear him. He kissed her to convey that message because sometimes words are not enough.

When he talked to her she had to refrain herself from saying too many stupid sappy shit so she often answered the opposite from what her brain screamed.

‘So, are you ready to go, Evans?’

‘Haven’t destroyed you enough for my taste. Come back to me in ten minutes, that should do the trick.’

‘You’re never satisfied, are you?’

‘Cause you have ever been?’

‘Guess not,’ he shrugged. ‘The question is, are you satisfied here, right now, with me?’

(Yes, terribly, stop making me grin so wide that my teeth are dry. You’ll be the only reason for my wrinkles when I get older.)

‘Why would I be?’

‘Ok, maybe not, but I’m sure you’ve thought about me naked.’

(My late night intimate thoughts are not something I’d be willing to discuss with you yet, it would make you insufferable for the day or possibly the rest of your life.)

‘You’re incredibly self-assured, James Potter, has anyone ever told you that?’ She tried to look annoyed, but the small tug at the corner of her lips betrayed her.

‘I tell myself that everyday, actually.’

She took one of her munitions in her hands and crushed it on his head before darting away in a giggle fit.

An hour later and Lily and James were back at her house, which was fortunately empty. The sister who hates you isn’t exactly the ideal candidate for meeting the first boy you bring home. They both took showers to get the paint and sweat off and Lily was glad that he didn’t make any showing sharing jokes because it would have made her much too red.

‘So where does the nickname Prongs come from?’ Lily asked, putting a lock of still somewhat stained hair behind her ear and trying not to stare too much.

‘Basically, it’s about Sirius mocking me.’

‘What’s new?’

‘Yeah, pretty much. My mum didn’t want me to get too comfortable with money and thought I acted a bit… entitled. If you knew my mother, you’d love her! You have the same views on my charming personality. Anyway, I got a job as a cashier in a little grocery store and I would stock shelves and help customers and all that rubbish. One day, I hear the bell at the door announcing someone walked in, but instead of a human being stands a deer and it wouldn’t leave! I freaked out because it looked terrifying, like it was gonna impale me with his antlers. So I called Sirius, first big mistake. He laughed at me for a long time and we finally tried to lure the beast out with food we put outside. He came back everyday for a month. It was horrible. Sirius won’t let me live it down.’

Lily couldn’t stop laughing. ‘Tell me this is not true! I can’t believe you’d be such an idiot!’

He shrugged and she doubled over with laughter.

‘Are the rumors about Augustus Rookwood true? Did he really have to get a testicle retrieval operation?’

‘He deserved it, he tried to ask me if the carpet matched the drapes in math class.’

‘Fair enough.’

‘Did you really sleep with that biology teacher?’

‘A gentleman does not kiss and tell. But no. What about Severus Snape? What happened there?’

She sighed deeply, her fingers raising to her lips to gnaw away at her uneven nails. She grimaced after tasting the faded green nail polish and started. ‘That is one complicated story.’

‘And I am sure you are a magnificent storyteller, Evans. I’ve seen McGonagall smile while reading one of your essays and that woman could be eighty and never even get crow’s feet. She is unbelievably austere, and that’s why she’s my favorite. It’s all about the unattainable vibe for me. Come on, Lil.’

‘Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago, I met Severus Snape on the playground and discovered we were neighbours. There started a long friendship between us and a mutual hatred between Tuney, she’s my sister, and him. When we were eight we both got our first kiss because we had seen adults do it on the telly. We grew up and he started being my boyfriend, it was nice I guess. We got along, though he was a bit bigoted I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I wanted to believe we were still six and holding hands because we were friends and racing each other without anyone ever winning. We slept together, once, my mum had just left and everyone was doing it and I got scared and we broke up. We stayed friends, but it was still weird and he’d sometimes pressure me to get together again and put his hand on my thigh, shite like that. I didn’t say anything, because what was I supposed to say when a minute ago he’d told me he loved me? I know it’s fucked up, but I get stupid about him. We keep getting in fights about disgusting comments he makes, and those friends of his. Last time, he called me a slut and said I actually enjoyed it when he came onto me. That’s when I decided to end it. We haven’t been acutal friends for a very long time.’

*****

The boy was speechless. He was seventeen and didn’t know anything, and what are you supposed to say to the girl you like to make her feel better? She looked sad now, her legs pressed around her chest and her cloudy face that bore so much sadness he didn’t know how to deal with.

Sirius would talk about his problems in the dark at night when he wasn’t sure if James was asleep, or he’d come to him after an encounter with his horrifying family, asking for a hug and tea to calm him down, but James knew what to say to his best friend, he knew how to talk to him. He was always afraid to spook Lily when talking to her, scared that she’d take off at every chance she’d get when she realized he wasn’t half good enough for her and that he actually was a complete dunce.

He took her in his arms again and rubbed reassuring circles on her back, taking in the sweet smell of her green apple shampoo and hoping for the best. She put her chin on his shoulder and closed her eyes. This felt a bit like home (just enough for her heart to sizzle under her ribs.)

‘Severus Snape is an arsehole and I’ve always hated him anyway. He makes creepy comments about girls and has an overwhelming need for someone to teach him what shampoo is.’

She rubbed her eyes as if she was tired or to wipe away some imaginary tears, and straightened herself up. He missed the comfort of having her in a tight hug as she tried to regain whatever composure she could.

‘Sorry. I don’t mean to collapse and unleash all my problems on you everytime we talk. You just… get it. And that’s rare,’ she said shyly, because vulnerability made her feel a bit too naked for her taste.

‘That’s okay. I like talking to you.’ Her heart fluttered. She thought he should stop being so wonderful.

‘So tell me all the great James Potter problems, now that you know mine. It’s only fair.’

‘Well I guess when my father died, it wasn’t exactly joyful. My mum and I took it pretty hard, but we’re doing alright these days. We’ve got Sirius on our hands now, so that’s a distraction,’ he joked with a little laugh that tried to hide something else.

‘That’s rough, James, my condolences.’ Her hand had moved up to his knee.

His gaze was forlorn now, wistful. ‘You know, when I was young my father was the one to drive me to school everyday, and the school was pretty far away, so it was a long ride. All the way we’d listen to old school rock and he would air guitar and shimmy in his seat, he was a bit of a rebel, you see, listening to rock’n’roll and speeding up at his favorite parts just to make me laugh. Lately, I’ve been trying to learn the guitar and my mum bought me an electric one and an amp and everything.’

‘Funny, I would’ve always pictured you playing the drums.’

‘I do, actually.’

‘Really? That’s amazing! I never told anyone that, except maybe Marls, but I’ve always dreamed of being in a band.’

‘I have something else to confess, then. I actually really like angry girl music. I love rock and I love the way it evolved these last few years and I didn’t learn the names of these bands to impress you, I actually already knew them. I actively fancy Joan Jett, I would marry her in a heartbeat.’

Lily pulled him in yet another searing kiss and her heart was ready to beat out of her chest. This boy was gonna kill her. She wanted to melt into his brain for all of eternity and she didn’t care for the night sky anymore if his hurricane hair didn’t at least cover some of the view. He now belonged at her side and she could weather any tempest Shakespeare would bring.

‘Come to the prom with me.’

‘James, I don’t want to go to prom.’

‘Not even for me?’ He pouted.

‘Not even for you. It’s an antiquated mating ritual that puts way too much light on the appearance of young girls and their self-esteem and right not to be sexualized are greatly put at risk in this endeavour that I don’t want to endorse. That’s it.’

‘People wouldn’t expect you to.’

‘That’s no reason. Why are you so intent on me coming? What’s in it for you?’ She asked suspiciously.

‘Why do I need a reason to seek the pleasure of your company?’ He played a role then, the one of a wounded husband caught red-handed who got offended at any reasonable question. He got a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips, huffing slightly. He didn’t even have time to light it before she snatched it and slammed the door on her way to her room, her footsteps heavy with anger.

He ruffled his hair and sighed. ‘Fuck.’ Got in his car and left, forgetting to stop at every red light on his way home.

(Power To The Flowers (or Preparations))

Lying on her stomach on her bed, the girl was pretending to read a book, but she hadn’t turned a page in four minutes and stared off into the wall, listening to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ with an unreadable expression in her green eyes. Her eyelids fluttered, but she didn’t move. Her situation was such a mess. She couldn’t even fall in love properly, and even though some other version of Lily could have felt special and a bit superior, the present one was only worried about it.

A distraction from her thoughts in the form of a creak of her door made her startle and she sighed in relief when she saw it was only her sister. The last time Petunia had been in her room, it had been to convince her to come to Peter Pettigrew’s party some weeks earlier, and it seemed like so much had changed since, not in an obvious way, but in this insidious deepening of her vision of things, of her life and the person she thought she was.

Much like the previous attempt, Petunia only stuck her head and her shoulder through the opening, afraid to have a negative impact on the plans she had for the night.

‘Hey, Lils?’ She looked up to her from her bed. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something.’

‘Okay.’

A tentative move to enter the room was made and Petunia now stood awkwardly by the dresser, still close enough to the door to dash as quickly as possible if needed and Lily felt bad. She tried to look more welcoming, softening her expression and putting on half a smile (not a whole one because she didn’t want to look suspicious either).

‘I was wondering if, um, if you were still considering going to the prom.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t even have a date, so you wouldn’t be able to go with Vernon anyway.’

‘How come? Did something happen with Potter?’ Petunia was confused. Everything had seemed to be going so well with them lately.

‘Nothing big, you know how it is, I can’t help getting into arguments with people. It’s like it’s in my blood or something.’ She sported bags under her eyes and a slightly sad expression, as if she had just reread the Bell Jar again.

‘But why not? This could actually be fun, there’s music and food and friends,’ argued Petunia.

‘All this convincing just so you can go with Vernon, huh?’ There was that sadness again. The one of feeling like your little sister is settling for less than she deserves and another of not being sure to have anyone to fight for anymore.

‘Lils,’ Petunia sighed heavily, the sigh of a much older woman. ‘We’ve been over this. So many times. I love Vernon, he loves me, we’re a good match.’

‘But he’s not half good enough! If only you could see this through my point of view Tuney. You don’t understand how incredible you are, because you’re tough and stubborn and beautiful. You have spirit, you know? You can convince anyone to do anything and you have amazing taste and ambition and brains, you don’t have to be a housewife, to always live for other people. You deserve more than that. You deserve everything you can achieve. You don’t have to settle for less than a prince!’ She was starting to sound desperate. Calm yourself down, Lily, or do you want to embarrass yourself again, but this time in front of your family?

‘The thing is, you praise me for being stubborn but you’re not listening to what I want. I deserve to have what I want, do you get that? I have ambition because I want to rise up socially, not because of my career choice, that’s not a crime. I can use all the spirit I want to run my house and raise my numerous children—‘

Lily cut her off. ‘But why do they have to be Dursley children?’

‘Because I love him. We get along easy and we want the same things out of life. Why isn’t that enough for you?’

‘Because you’re making a mistake! I just have a hard time understanding you, Tuney, he doesn't deserve you. You’re so young for all of this and you don’t know your worth yet, but you should want so much more out of life!’

‘Can’t you just accept that my dreams are different than yours? Even if you’re right, I should be allowed to make my own mistakes.’

‘I’m trying to protect you. To be your big sister, right?’

‘He makes me happy. So happy, Lils,’ pleaded Petunia, stars in her eyes. Her sister shifted and finally beamed. The smile of giving up. Happiness is what counts, right?

‘Then get ready because we’re going to prom! Oh my god, I have to call Marlene!’

‘This is some kind of Cinderella situation! We need to start this, pronto!’ The youngest looked like a general going into battle.

‘There’s that spirit!’ They smiled at each other.

Marlene worked on Lily’s makeup and hair while Petunia rifled through her wardrobe for a suitable dress. From time to time, she would clutch a hanger to her chest so that they could see how the dress would fit on someone and Lily would tell her to put it in the Maybe or No piles. She couldn’t believe her sister had that many dresses, but she was relieved to have an outfit that would not humiliate her in there.

Petunia had already selected a dress for herself, a salmon-pink cocktail dress that was carefully laid on the bed in a way that would avoid wrinkles. Her hair was already done and she claimed proudly she could do her makeup in less than eighteen minutes, a skill she had practiced over the years.

‘So are you going with James?’ Marlene couldn’t help to ask after a short phone call from the bloke in question.

‘Yeah, we’re meeting there. At least that’s what he called to say. I just hope it won’t be too awkward, because we had a... bit of a fight last time I saw him.’

‘Snape?’ Petunia asked, finally getting her head out of the depths of her closet, having heard only snippets of the conversation.

‘No, of course not, James! James Potter! Why would you even think that?’

‘Because that awful Snape guy has been coming up to me at school asking about you and your plans for prom, if you were going, what you were going to wear, how you were doing, that sort of thing.’

‘What did you say?’ Lily was horrified at the idea of Snape going around asking about her to the people she loved.

‘That he could go to hell. I hate that guy! When I was eight, he was sitting up in a tree and made a branch fall on my head!’

‘That greasy bat!’ Marlene chimed in, happy to be backed up in her hate towards “that bastard” for once.

‘What about this one?’ Petunia turned around, showcasing a horrible pink dress that had a skirt with tulle and a separate velvet top!

‘No! Never in a million years!’ The eldest grimaced when she got a glimpse fo the monstrosity in the vanity mirror.

‘Okay, okay.’

‘Stop moving, Lily, or do you want your hair to be asymmetrical?’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m like a statue, Marls.’

An hour and eighteen minutes later, everyone was good to go. Marlene had departed with Sirius some time ago and Petunia and Lily waited for a friend’s limo in the living room, watching the telly to pass the time. Walter had been very worried for his little girls, but Petunia reminded him of the aforementioned agreement and that it’s not like anyone has ever died at prom, Daddy! He was left powerless.

‘So… When is Yvonne coming?’ Lily said to break the silence.

‘In a few minutes, I guess.’

‘Oh, good.’

Silence again. No one knew what to say. They were finally saved by the ring of the doorbell. Yvonne was at the door and shrieked when she saw Petunia and told her how beautiful she looked and have you seen my dress and I’m so excited to see Vernon without sparing a glance at Lily. She suddenly wished she had been able to fit on Sirius’s motorcycle, because this seemed like it was going to be a long ride.

(Sequined Smile & Crimson Red On My Lips)

All it took was twenty-three minutes for the prom to sour for Lily and James, twenty-six for Severus Snape and a fifteen minute limo ride for Tuney Evans. The night had started out pretty well with Sirius and Marlene, there would have been no way of guessing the havoc that would be wreaked later.

Marlene wore a yellow minidress that stopped at her mid-thigh, showing off a bruise on her knee and a mole on her ankle. She had put her hair up in a crown braid to feel at least some medieval magic for the night and her pale eyes looked like raindrops in the streetlight. When he saw her, Sirius couldn’t help but joke: ‘Is your father a thief, because he has stolen all the jewels in the sky to put them in your eyes?’

She had laughed and answered his father would be in the next cell for stealing all those star names. They weren’t even funny and yet everything seemed something to smile about.

She climbed on the motorcycle and tried to drive it, but gave up at the next corner. ‘I don’t want to die tonight,’ she laughed.

‘Only one will die tonight,’ he replied theatrically.

‘Who?’

‘Fear!’ He said, speeding up. It was such a Sirius Black thing to say, he had always been quite the drama queen. It felt incredibly intimate that she had wrapped her arms around his chest and that he could faintly smell her shampoo. His hair, guided by the wind, whipped her in the face and she tried to braid it with one hand while still hanging on to him.

Sirius had always liked flirting with danger so he wore no helmet partly to look cool and because the feeling of his long hair flowing wildly made him feel freer. He liked to go so fast he thought he was flying. It made Marlene shriek with delight.

The air was hot on their skins and she was a goddess, and o how lucky he was! He knew every time he would picture her, when she would appear everywhere, behind his closed eyelids and in his soup, in the big luminous squares of sun when he woke up and traced in every constellation on a starry night, that’s how he would see her, hair escaping from the bobby pins and a yellow dress that showcased her skin pale like a ghost and bruised like a peach. She was all red cheeks and glowing eyes and that was all he wanted to remember for the rest of his life.

*****

Lily had chosen a long midnight blue dress with white polka dots that looked like stars on an inky night and Marlene had styled her hair in an elaborate braided bun, planted in it was a yellow plastic flower. The spaghetti straps showed off the mole on her collarbone and the freckles on her shoulders. When she arrived, James was leaning on his elbows against the banister, eyes searching for her. He gave her a feeble wave when he saw her go up the stairs, some strands of hair, all glorious red, tickling her neck.

He adjusted his glasses nervously. The jacket of his suit rested against the banister beside his left elbow and he had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to show sinewed tan forearms, a cat had scratched his right wrist. She didn’t know a more beautiful boy. (He didn’t know a more beautiful girl either, sometimes love does that to you).

When getting out of the limo, Petunia’s dress had gotten stuck in the car’s door and a part of the skirt had been ripped. She had been ushered by Yvonne into the bathroom with a humongous purse full of useful items, like a flask of tequila that had been passed around quite a bit, some tampons in case of emergency, a glossy lipstick Lily had put on when she was bored during the ride which gave her a sequined smile and most important of all, clothespins.

Lily clutched the pearls at her neck when James approached her, thinking of a smiling Petunia who had given them to her when she had seen her in all the glory of her makeover, eyes gleaming, full of love. She had fastened it herself around Lily’s neck, claiming she needed a bit of Mum’s spirit tonight and how James would be happy to see her so magnificent. Now she held it tight between her fingers hoping it would get her some good luck, which the rational part of her thought was really stupid but the idealistic one couldn’t help it.

‘You came,’ he commented with a dazzling smile.

‘Tuney dragged me over here screeching like a banshee. Seeing you now is just an added bonus to not being murdered in my sleep tonight.’

‘Then I’m very lucky your sister is so stubborn, Lil. Sorry for last time, I didn’t mean to make you mad.’

‘I’m the one who’s sorry, I didn’t mean to get mad in the first place.’

‘You look radiant. Where’d you get the dress?’

‘Just something I had, lying around.’

(I painstakingly thought of you while my sister presented dress after dress in a fit of madness because I want you to have only eyes for me tonight.)

‘So what do people do at proms?’

‘Get tattoos, start a cult, make a human sacrifice, make a conga line, you know, all that typical party stuff.’

She snorted. ‘By the way I’m not getting in any conga line, ever. Experts say it’s actually worse than the human sacrifice thing.’

‘Shut up and come dance, will you?’

So they danced. He led her under a disco ball and she teased him for his cheesiness, they tangoed and slow-danced and air-guitared and he showed her hip hop moves he knew from his rap phase at twelve. She tried to teach him how to waltz when she didn’t even know how and they kept crushing each other’s feet.

A song by the Weird Sisters started playing and Lily cried out: ‘I love this song!’ Then she stopped in her tracks for a moment, seemingly rethinking her entire life and admitted: ‘I have never felt more like a drunken, slutty and desperate girl in a bar trying to flirt with everything that moves, but I am loving it!’

Then came a slow song.

‘Milady,’ James said, offering her his hand.

‘Milord,’ she said in a perfect imitation of his posh accent, accepting his hand.

She got closer to him and put her chin on his shoulder. When the chorus came they detached from each other, their hands still joined, swinging to the rhythm.

‘Last year, Sirius and I were in Liverpool. We weren’t in prison or leaders of a cult or visiting every brothel in the country. You see, Uncle Alphard, Sirius’s uncle, was sick and we went there to help him out after hours of begging my parents. We spent the year eating pasta for almost every meal, watching The Real World and baking shows on the couch and going to about half the classes of a posh school his uncle could afford.’

‘Really?’ She giggled in disbelief.

‘Really.’ She gave him a languorous kiss and he dipped her. Her breath hitched and he kissed her again, which brought her dangerously close to the floor. She was backed up against his chest again in a wink and couldn’t stop laughing.

‘Did you follow Dawson’s Creek?’

He blushed. ‘No?’

She teased him again. ‘Wheel of Fortune? Mad About You? No, not Friends? Really, James? I thought you were better than that.’

‘Guess you’ll just have to dump me then.’

‘I guess I’ll have to.’ A kiss on his cheek.

Twenty-three minutes on the clock. Approximately six and a half songs.

Vernon came marching towards James.

‘Petunia stood me up and this is all your fault! Now I didn’t pay you to take out this bitch so that my date wouldn’t come! I know that little freak has something to do with it, she convinced my dear that I wasn’t worthy. My dad owns Grunnings!’ Vernon looked like a walrus, his limp mustache quivering under all this emotion.

Lily was frozen on the spot, looking at James with daggers in her eyes and hurt written all over her body. This couldn’t be true. His jaw clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping this was all a nightmare. He was a deer frozen in the headlights.

She replied coldly, trying to erase any emotion from her face. She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of being hurt. ‘Petunia’s dress had a minor rip, she still wants your disgusting children, Vermin.’

Turn away, Lils, and don’t cry yet. Resist the urge to punch someone in the face, huh? You don’t want to be known as the girl who was PMS-ing at the prom, that would be too many jokes from Snape you can’t stomach. He’s an asshole, right? They’re all assholes anyway, we just have to make it home, okay?

Heels clacked on the marble of the stairs she didn’t remember racing down and it occurred to her how easily someone could slip there. Maybe she could push James, or even better crack her own head open in one misstep. Marlene appeared at her side, breathing heavily, hair sticking out of her braid crown in every direction. Sirius followed her closely.

‘Oh my God, Lil, are you okay? I just saw what happened!’

She grumbled. ‘It’s okay.’ Not yet, no flood gates now. Wait till you pass the door.

‘What a dick! I can’t believe he did this to you!’

‘Lily!’ Cried out a voice from behind them, the voice she despised the most at this particular moment. James Potter was coming, fingers treading through his hair without ever leaving his scalp. ‘I’m sorry, Lil! It wasn’t what you think!’

‘You don’t know what I think.’

‘It wasn’t like that, I didn’t care about anything else but you, I swear!’ His voice shattered, but it didn’t sway her. She didn’t budge, staying in an intimidating stance waiting for a better excuse.

At a loss for words, he tried to kiss her. Grand gestures, right? Didn’t kisses always make everything better in movies? The hero kissed the girl, and poof! The problem had vanished, never to be heard of again. One movement, lips on lips, and everything was okay, all tortuous anguish and past mistakes dissolved into the universe, everyone lived happily ever after. Alas this wasn’t a movie, and she broke off the kiss immediately, almost shouting. ‘Kisses can’t solve everything, Potter! You are so not who I thought you were.’

He was the last person she would be prevailed upon to lock lips with with the stunt he had just pulled.Her heart squeezed horribly like it was too big for her ribcage and her eyes flooded with tears. She simply had to get out of there.

Twenty-six minutes. If you thought it couldn’t get worse, you were wrong. Snape stepped out of the ballroom, all dressed in black in clothes that seemed too big for him, as usual. ‘Lily, wait! I didn’t get a chance to talk to you!’

‘What?’

‘I need to warn you about James Potter, he’s bad news. Have you seen the kind of people he hangs around with, a disowned faggot and known man-whore who—‘ Three things happened at once: Lily talked over Snape, insulting him copiously, while Sirius surged forward, livid with rage, but Snape was faster and punched him in the gut. Marlene herself was in a fighting pose, ready to attack at any given moment.

‘You know what, Severus? Shut up! Shut up! Stop talking to me, stop asking about me, stop trying to protect me! Fuck you! Fuck you forever!’ Lily exploded.

‘Lily, you don’t understand—‘

She punched him. ‘That’s for involving my sister in your twisted lies.’ For a second time her hand flew to his face, her anger a pit in her chest that grew with each second that passed. ‘That’s for knocking my mate to the floor,’ one last hit to his groin, ‘and that’s for me, for hurting me and harassing me and not knowing when to stop.’ Her voice broke off, this was too much. She really needed to get out of there.

*****

She sat on her bed, eyes red from crying and some leftover mascara darkened the space underneath her eyes, making it look like she had not slept in a fortnight (she would not be sleeping that night, too occupied with thinking about love and relationships and the supreme faults in her character that would hinder any attempt to get a boyfriend heretofore.)

‘I just feel… so stupid. I should’ve known.’

‘Lils, he made a mistake, he was a complete dickhead,’ assured Marlene in a soothing tone.

‘It’s not your fault,’ added Sirius, lounging on her bed eating some candies she had hidden away in her bookcase behind some books, which Sirius had deemed quite ingenious.

‘You know, my biggest flaw has always been my arrogance. I always think I’m right, that I know what I’m doing. I mean, some confidence can be nice, but arrogance has a toe right across the line to undatable.’

‘You’re seriously overthinking this. It’s not about you,’ Marlene reiterated.

‘No, it is! I thought Tuney was the one making a mistake in being with that Vermin, but I was the one who wouldn’t let her make her own mistakes! I keep being wrong! When I was with J— Potter, I thought he wanted me because I was unattainable and kinda pretty and that, later, when we spent more time together, I thought he saw me for who I was. It was that damned arrogance again that made me sure anyone would fall in love with me if I let them in, if they actually knew me. Well, guess what? Life isn’t a movie.’

‘Come on, he obviously likes you! He’s staring at you when you’re not looking, he laughs at all your jokes and listens so carefully everytime you rant about some socio-political issue as if he was gonna be tested on it later.’

‘He talks about you all the time, especially your hair and your mouth and it’s getting a bit annoying, to be honest. I’ve started to tune him out,’ Sirius said with consternation. ‘The boy is simply whipped, Evans.’

‘I thought I was right, as usual, but there was nothing worse than being wrong about this particular thing!’ Once again, she sobbed.

‘I was the one to get him to accept, he didn’t even want to say yes to Dursley,’ Sirius tried to argue. He offered her some candy while Marlene wrapped her in a tight hug, shaking her head to him. ‘Well you know what? At least it wasn’t a bet about getting you in bed, right?’

‘Shut up, Black!’ The girls said in unison.

(Lily & James)

Summer was approaching dangerously fast, there was only a week left to school and Lily was trying to come to terms with the fact that she had fallen in love with a complete dumbass, namely James Potter. It was unbearably hot in the class and she hated it. She was trying to keep track of what McGonagall was saying, but she kept having awkward eye contact with James from across the room. He was unbearably hot and she hated him for it.

‘I hope everyone has completed the assignment for today. You had to rewrite a Shakespeare sonnet in your own words and it will count for ten percent of your writing grade. Anyone who turns it in late will lose ten percent per day, except you Mr Snape, you have until tomorrow because of your… incident,’ she tightened her full lips as if to hold in a smile and continued. ‘Is anyone brave enough to read theirs aloud?’

An audacious girl raised her hand and went on about the life of her grandfather who had been in the war. After her came a serious guy with a closed expression who seldom talked, his poem being a dark piece about nature and graveyards, which was not totally unexpected, though a bit unsettling. What was really unexpected was Sirius Black raising from his chair to read an extremely funny sonnet about Anatole Kuragin and his swagger from War and Peace.

This gave enough courage for Lily to timidly raise her hand. She was chosen by McGonagall who had always held a soft spot for her, though she would never admit it. Lily stood in front of the class, pondering if she had done the right choice, her heart hammering against her ribcage. This felt entirely too intimate to share with a bunch of people she hardly knew, but her impulsive side had spoken. She looked at James to steady herself, his hazel eyes, dark pools of stable irises she could rely upon, dark skin that went so well with jet-black hair she just wanted to thread her fingers through. Dark everything that contrasted with his sunny personality and the fact that he lit up rooms when he smiled.

‘I hate the way you talk to me,  
And when you mess with your hair.’ (She messed with her own at that moment.)

‘I hate the way you drive my car,  
I hate it when you stare.’ (She was the one staring.)

‘I hate that dumb leather jacket  
And the way you grin at me.’ (She was balancing on the balls of her feet, trying not to look at him anymore because it made her too nervous.)

‘I hate you so much it makes me hurl,  
It even makes me rhyme.’ (She chuckled ironically at this, because this was not rhyming nor a poem and the memory of her vomiting alone made her queasy.)

‘I hate the way you’re always right,  
I hate it when you lie.’ (Her features saddened. I still like you, she thought, even after all you did, isn’t that crazy?)

‘I hate it when you make me laugh,  
Even worse when you make me cry.’ (The paper was warped because she had cried while writing this. His betrayal came to her again and she felt horribly naked and clutched the paper harder, the only lifebelt keeping her from running away, keeping the tears at bay. Okay, the tears were flowing now. Her face reddened, damn that redhead skin tone.)

‘I hate it when you’re not around  
And the fact that I miss you.’ (What a terrible feeling to miss someone, the doubt that he’ll call and that you haven’t screwed up too much. The fact that he hurt you so bad you don’t even know if you want him back, but still their absence hurts.)

‘But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,  
Not even a little bit,  
Not even a little,  
Not even at all.’ (Here her voice broke.)

She darted out of the class, tears streaming down her cheeks, her chest full of uncertainty and sorrow, chest still full of hope, chest full of treasures.

She heard James follow her and McGonagall giving him yet another detention for it, but he didn’t seem to care. His footsteps were heavy, his breathing imperceptible, but still she knew his heart was beating as fast as hers did. She prayed to whomever it concerned that this would end well.

‘Lily!’

It felt like playing at Orpheus and Eurydice, following each other without having any certitude that the other was really there, her poem a song that made rocks weep and the detention a pact not to see each other until they were out of there. Maybe they would be out of this hellish situation soon, hoping their love and trust would guide them through the tough times would make them immortal. Maybe they weren’t, maybe it was okay to make up too fast, to see each other and kiss each other and swallow each other whole because they couldn’t get enough of each other. Maybe it was better not to wait.

Maybe they were like Psyche and Eros, her a goddess that hid her true self and dreamed up invisible castles for them to live in, and him a beautiful peasant who would do anything to get to her. Maybe the wind brought them to each other for no good reason at all. Maybe Snape was Aphrodite (that was not something she would ever have thought to say) and tried to separate them, but their love was too strong for those kinds of tricks. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe they weren’t.

Maybe they were Achilles and Patroclus, ready to die for each other, ready to fight destiny and gods and kings and their armies to avenge each other’s death. Maybe they were ready to go to war for each other, to abandon the comfort of training and home and each other’s arms to go fight because destiny told them to and they couldn’t bear to be apart. Maybe if James died she would hunt down his murderer and drag him through the streets for three days and three nights straight, full of rage and sorrow that would never be quelled. Maybe they weren't.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be so dramatic, maybe they weren’t about life and death and greek tragedies. Maybe they were just Lily and James, making mistakes and trying to make amends, trying to fall in love even though they weren’t very good at it. Maybe they were.

He caught up to her next to her beat-up red car. He didn’t say he was sorry. He didn’t try to kiss her. He didn’t sing. He said: ‘Do you want to start a band? I feel like we should start a band.’

‘What?’ She was completely puzzled.

‘Think about it, how good we would be, how awesome we could be, together, against the whole world. The opportunity of it all.’

‘Two people aren’t a band, James.’

‘Then maybe Sirius can join in, he has a lovely voice and he knows how to play the guitar. We’ll find other people if we have to and we’ll be amazing. People will come from the ends of the world to come see us play.’

‘I could see that happening, and I tend to be right about these kinds of things, unless someone I hate paid you to make you say that to me,’ she said with a dry smile, offering him the perfect way of apologizing, a Lily Evans kind of olive branch, which was harsher than most, but he was still very grateful for it.

‘It’s not easy for me to say this, but I am so sorry. It was never about the money for me, I had a huge crush on you from afar and was too much of a coward to do anything about it. I screwed up and I don’t know why I thought it would be a good reason to come up to you. I was stupid to accept Vermin’s offer and I’m sorry. I hope you know I would never do that again.’

‘I know. Or I hope I know. But, again, I tend to be right about these kinds of things.’

‘You do, and it’s terribly annoying.’

‘You’re terribly annoying.’

‘You wouldn’t have me any other way.’

‘Okay, maybe I wouldn’t.’


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of shit, but I was tired of seeing it sitting in my docs so here it is (finally). I tried to put the infamous Vernon&Petunia double date wih Jily and showed them later in their band, with an ABBA couple situation.

(Goodbye, Sailor)

James Potter had always thought he was a rather charming man, and for some reason he seemed to be falling short of his usual charm today. The day had started very well, as most days did when you started them with Lily Evans. Red hair, tired green eyes, a mouth curling on the rim of a cup of coffee, a slight smile when she saw you in your plaid pyjama bottoms and horrible bird’s nest of a hair and an even bigger one when you got your shirt off for no good reason at all but to tease her, claiming how horribly hot it was. 

The day had started out quite well, and yet James Potter couldn’t muster the energy to be his usual self. It was still very confusing, because Lily Evans was currently wearing a flashing red bathing suit, even more freckles had grown on her forehead and nose and she had an exposed soft belly with skin as white as milk, which would have made any sane man much too happy. She had stolen his sunglasses and wore them in her hair because she thought it gave her an unstudied air, but she still squinted at the sun and put her hand in a visor in front of her eyes three times a minute. Had they been alone on that boat, this would have been a perfect day (as most days were when you spent them in the presence of Lily Evans).

Maybe the problem was exactly that: they weren’t alone, and worse, they were in the company of two people James was not that fond of. Namely, Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursley.

Of course, Petunia alone wasn’t that bad, she was.. Tuney, funny in a mean kind of way and easy to deal with. James even surprised himself at having fun with her sometimes. But when Vernon was thrown in the mix, she became Petunia, Petunia Evans soon to be Dursley. She became sharper, like she still had to impress him and couldn’t relax, behaving in an uptight and grownup way that did not suit her. 

Vernon… Vernon, he didn’t even have anything to say about the man, at all. He was pretty self-explanatory: conservatory, had seemingly just recently jumped out of a time machine because of how regressive he was in his politics, and much too entitled to everything. Also, he looked a bit (lot) like a walrus, which he did not have any control over, but it still gave him an even weirder vibe. Some people just didn’t have James Potter’s luck. 

Lily was laughing at something Petunia had just said and James was starting to get a bit bored. 

‘So, James, what kind of car do you have?’ Vernon asked politely. 

‘Oh, I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details, Vince.’

Dursley brushed the annoying new nickname off. ‘I love cars, for now I have only a little Ford Anglia, but when I get promoted I have my eye on something a little bit better.’

‘I’ve always wanted to get an El Camino, but now my mate Sirius has something even better,’ James said in a conspiratorial tone. 

Vernon leaned in, curious. ‘What?’

‘A Harley Davidson. It’s crazy how fast these little things can go, makes it so much easier to run away from the cops, you know? Right now we’re trying something a bit more… dangerous if you know what I mean. We’re going to make it fly.’ There was a mischievous glint in James’ eye that should have made him suspicious, but his response was much funnier. 

‘Motorcycles don’t fly.’

‘Not yet, but we’ve been tinkering with the motor a lot and I’ve taken several physics classes over the years, so clearly I know what I’m doing, and I can’t wait to get rich because of this genius idea!’

‘Aren’t your parents already rich?’

‘Yeah, but I want to make my own money.’

‘Can’t you just enter your father’s company? There is honor in shouldering a legacy, especially a legacy as important as the Potter one. You should think about it,’ Dursley advised with pompous importance. 

‘Eh, I don’t know.’

‘Didn’t your father start out from nothing? Doesn’t it inspire you? The honor and the hardwork and the loyalty it took to get his life and company off the ground?’

‘You know, that’s a really cute myth, but that’s not actually how the company was started. To sum up, because it’s a real long story, my dad had some friends in the mafia, not the italian one, I mean we’re not tacky, the Russians. They helped him get a little money, get some people off his path, that kinda thing, you know how it is, business.’ James was finally starting to have some fun. 

‘So what? You plan to become a criminal?’

‘Maybe live the streets a couple years, become a poet, shoot my gay lover like Verlaine did and then we’ll see. Anyway the only reason we’re in touch with the Russians still is because they want the plans for the flying motorbike and I really think I could make a fortune off this. It’s a big opportunity!’ His eyes widened to emphasize his point, he was totally in character. Was anyone sure he had never really been in touch with the Russian mafia?

‘MOTORCYCLES DON’T FLY!’ Vernon cried out, twitching his wispy mustache over his bloated red face. 

Indifferent to the outburst, James continued in the same unaffected nonchalant tone as before. ‘If none of that works out, I guess I could become some kind of magician. I’ve always been good with kids.’

‘Yeah, because you’re a clown,’ muttered Vernon. 

To ease the tension on the boat, Petunia, who had been interrupted in her conversation with her sister by the animosity in their boyfriends’ voices, tried to speak up. ‘Well show us some of those tricks, then.’

‘Oh, I don’t know any yet, but don’t worry, I’m a fast learner.’

Vernon was left grumbling to himself about frivolous boys and motorcycles that stayed on the ground. 

James turned to Lily in disarray and whispered in her ear: ‘Sorry.’

‘I kind of hate you right now.’

‘You’re smiling at me. You think this is funny, don’t you?’

‘No.’ She tried to hide her smirk behind a kiss. 

‘For the record, I see what you’re trying to do, I’m just appreciating the distraction,’ James assured her. 

‘Uh-huh, sure, James.’

‘Promise me we’re never going sailing again.’

‘We’re never going on a double date again, you get too crazy when you don’t have all the attention in the room.’ She kissed him again.

‘Never having a double date again except if it’s with Sirius and Marlene.’

‘Except if it’s Sirius and Marlene.’

‘What are you two lovebirds whispering about?’ Petunia smiled.

‘Oh, it’s nothing,’ Lily assured her. 

‘I’m so happy that you’ve found each other, Lil. You deserve it.’

‘Yep, you sure deserve each other,’ muttered a discontented Vernon. James’s teasing hadn’t gone over well. ‘Started dating with some kind of arrangement of prostitution.’ He spit the word out, disgusted, with a frown of his prominent brows. 

‘You jackass!’ James flared up. ‘Don’t you dare talk to her like that!’ He clenched his fists and his jaw tightened. Lily was crying and he was ready to start a fight. What an absolute ass! ‘I can’t believe this!’ 

The rest of the boat ride seemed like forever, trapped together with all the anger running around. Petunia’s lips thinned, but she said nothing. Lily looked up at her and cried even harder when she saw her sister couldn’t even spare her a glance. James pressed her against his chest, but her sister’s silent betrayal hurt her like the shards of a mirror in her heart. Broken million pieces that showed the truth, she didn’t stand up for Lily, never treated her like her sister, looked away when tears streamed down her face, a fair-weather sister, that’s what life had given Lily. Where was the goddamned shore when you needed to put your foot on the firm land? 

(Order of the Phoenix)

Lily and Petunia’s relationship had only gotten worse in the last few months, but Lily tried to act like it didn’t affect her. Petunia’s wedding had been a tough moment, especially when she discovered that she wasn’t in the bridal party anymore the morning of the wedding. Hunting for a new dress had been a nightmare, and Vernon’s callous comments at the reception had certainly not helped. Champagne had been drunk and it all ended up okay. Okay-ish. The heartbroken kind of okay. The I’ve-just-lost-my-sister-but-it-hurts-too-much-to-care kind of okay.She kept saying there were a million other things to do before making up with her sister, and James couldn’t disagree, because they had been rather busy. 

Life had been kind to them recently, in the career department at least. They had a started a band as soon as they graduated, caps and gowns flying while they ran back to Sirius’s apartment to make some noise to celebrate the ending. 

Brainstorming names had been a challenge, since no one could ever agree on anything. Sirius wanted to be called ‘Are you ready to rock’n’roll?’ Which was deemed too long and more importantly didn’t mean anything. James wanted ‘The Marauders’, Lily wanted ‘Gryffindor’ and every time someone suggested a new name it became more obscure and inane. They finally settled on ‘Order of the Phoenix’ which sounded way too cool to be discarded, though it was important to note that a close second had been The Rolling Stones, which would have earned them several lawsuits. 

They weren’t big and mostly played in James’s basement where they mostly ate toasts with Nutella and drank alcohol, but they played at college parties and one song for Petunia’s wedding (after having begged for weeks) and local bars asked them covers of songs they hated. Life was going well. 

They had been writing a lot, mostly Lily and Sirius, which consisted of a lot of bickering and endless compliments when inspiration struck. A year after the band had been created, someone new was added to the mix. Remus Lupin, who played bass divinely well. 

Marlene had decided to go to college and to major into creative writing, which was a very risky choice, but she handled the pressure well. She kept saying kindergarten teacher was still in the plans because she knew she was never going to make it as a writer, but they all knew she would end up broke and thriving and would never set foot in a classroom full of children again. It was more of a lie to seem responsible in front of her parents. 

They discovered later she had said even bigger lies. Sirius came one day in the basement, eyes red and hair unkempt (though he always kept it messy to seem cool, so it wasn’t as much of a red flag as some could believe), looking sullen and playing his part much too melodramatically. His rough voice gave Remus shivers. Marlene had cheated on him with a girl in her class and had waited two weeks to tell him about it, too afraid to admit to her mistake and a lot more confused about her sexuality than before. It did make for some great heartbroken songs, though. 

Remus was happy when Sirius started flirting with him. Even happier when they kissed backstage after a group of drunk girls had sung their praise after a very good show of theirs in a dingy bar. 

*****

‘Good news, I wrote a new song!’ Sirius claimed when he came through the basement door they never bothered to lock. (Being rich and careless is a dangerous combo, but Sirius and James seemed to manage it well, whatever that meant.)

‘Not a new Bride of Adventure song?’ 

‘Honestly you have to open your horizons in terms of titles, mate!’

‘I don’t know, I think it’s cute,’ objected Remus. 

‘Yeah, because they’re all named after you!’ 

‘Of course, I am adventure and Remus is my bride,’ Sirius stated. 

‘You’re not even getting married, dumbass,’ Lily said.

‘Well I mean, we are having a baby,’ replied Sirius.

‘He means the album. Swear I’m not pregnant,’ Remus clarified with a laugh.

Lily sighed. ‘Such idiots.’

Later that night they had a set scheduled at the bar. They’re not fancy enough to have a sound-check yet, so Sirius just makes dirty jokes in the microphone while Lily watches the shocked face of an uptight woman in the front and gives him the clear. James is at his drums, he’s supposed to be sitting but he always waits at the last minute because his fidgeting keeps him from putting his ass on that chair. Lily’s at the keys, a microphone propped on the edge of the instrument. Sirius is at the front, winking at some girls in the audience trying to get them to come to some of their next shows (which was an admittedly unethical technique). He turned back and gave one final wink, turning around to Remus and he started on the bass. 

Like a lot of songs Sirius wrote, it contained a lot of double meanings, not all of them profound and some of them just to make Remus blush. James would sometimes come up to the front of the stage, an electric guitar slung over his shoulder, Remus taking his place at the drums, and he would sing beautifully, electricity crackling from the tip of his fingers to his mad scientist hair. 

James had this amazing energy, like it would never run out and pull you in, blinding like the sun. He would sing with his smooth voice, even and powerful, grinning through the words and pouring entire bottles of water in his face in between two songs. Sometimes the water was directed to Sirius’ hair, which got him threats and growls, but nothing more because he was James Potter and no one had ever been able to resist him anything. 

In those times when he went up to sing, Remus ready at the drums and Sirius remaining in his rightful place, she would take over the bass and even the keys for some particular songs. In those times she could forget all about the crowd and the rowdy boys and focus on the music, losing herself in it. She would revel in the voice she heard everyday singing under his breath, unable to keep quiet for more than five minutes. She would recognize lyrics written about her and at the end of the love songs he would beam at her like a rightful idiot, but the happiest one she’d ever seen and she felt like she’d swallowed a lightning strike. 

If James was all smooth and powerful, Sirius’s voice was gravelly and tragic. Everything he sang seemed deep even when it was utterly stupid words they’d kept in just because they found it funny. He looked a bit like a god, under the lights, dressed all in black, letting himself go just enough to hit that sweet spot where you forgot yourself. He became unattainable. If people turned to James like sunflowers to the sun, they were pulled in towards Sirius like the tide to the moon. 

When James was at the drums, that’s where he let all his endless energy come out, pounding with the sticks until he heard nothing else. It felt like a heartbeat, like what they had created was alive and thriving. His pulse would go up and he would stare at red hair shining in the lights until it looked blonde, watching her swaying her hips to the rhythm lightly, not knowing how much he wanted her all to himself when she sang, he wanted to kiss the songs out of her, write a hundred beats of his quickening heart, make her laugh like it was a melody. She made him think incredibly cheesy things, he was learning rapidly. 

They were in love and they were slowly making their way up. Sirius would refuse to get compared to ABBA even though they were a band composed of two couples because apparently they were too punk rock for that, but when Lily put it in the car he would sing along quietly. Musicians in love apparently write a lot, and they were hoping to get an album out by the end of the year, if only a label would accept them. They called it Marauders and had some hope for the Gryffindor label owned by this eccentric old man, Dumbledore. Everything was going their way. 

James was thinking of getting engaged (he was always one for doing things early). The first time they heard one of their songs on the radio, he proposed to Lily in the car, him in the passenger seat and her in the back. They made rings out of string and kissed each other awkwardly because of the car situation. 

Sirius and Remus were still very much obnoxious in their love, writing songs about each other and winking too much. 

Their shared apartment was full of lovesick teenagers becoming adults, music strewn all over the place, radios turned up too loud (sometimes to dance and sometimes to cover up some loud noises coming from someone’s room), takeout food and meals Remus would burn, singing while making eggs in the morning (James knew how to make them just right and don’t get Lily started on the crispiness of his bacon), band t-shirts worn by everyone and no one able to remember who was the original owner, discs and mixtapes piled everywhere, really all in all they led a wonderful life. 

One could say that all was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to put wolfstar in because I did not think two couples of high school sweethearts could realistically make it in life, so I changed things up a bit. Have some minor college Dorlene instead! Thanks for reading this not proofread epilogue and this story in general.


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